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Writing Samples
Band 7

the charts below give information about the number of train passengers and the percentage of trains running on time from 2000 to 2009 in Japan. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

the charts below give information about the number of train passengers and the percentage of trains running on time from 2000 to 2009 in Japan. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The first chart illustrates the number proportion of
train
Use synonyms
 passengers and the second shows the proportion of trains running on time compared with the expectation
in
Change preposition
from
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 2000 to 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, over almost a decade, the number of passengers slightly fluctuated at around 35 to 45 and the percentage of trains running on time is always above 91%. In 2000, 35
million
Use synonyms
 people chose
train
Use synonyms
 to commute.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 2002 it increased a bit to around 41
million
Use synonyms
 but had a dip in 2003 at nearly 35
million
Use synonyms
. It reached a peak at almost 46
million
Use synonyms
 in 2005 and
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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steadily declined to around 39
million
Use synonyms
 in 2008 before it rose
at
Change preposition
to
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 nearly 42
million
Use synonyms
. The
train
Use synonyms
 in 2000 failed to manage the 95% target by only
did
Wrong verb form
doing it
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 at 92%.
However
Linking Words
, in 2002 it succeeded
to achieve
Change preposition
in achieving
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 the standard line and kept slightly increasing at 96% in 2004 before it dramatically dropped to 92% in 2006. It gradually came back to rise in 2007 at 93% and in 2008 it had reached a peak at 97%. The
train
Use synonyms
 maintained the same percentage as
previous
Add an article
the previous
show examples
 year in 2009.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words train, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • number of train passengers
  • percentage of trains running on time
  • increased steadily
  • approximately
  • rose to
  • fluctuated
  • dropped to
  • gradual improvement
  • reaching
  • train punctuality
  • significant growth
  • train usage
  • decline in the growth rate
  • recorded
  • initial level
  • conclusion
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