IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Schools should use films, computers and games instead of books. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #films #computers #games #books
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First and foremost, if we look at the development of the surroundings, it will be seen that almost everything has evolved
besides
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 state schools. People try to ease
the
Change the word
their
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 by changing
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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, schools need to be listed, but they are likely will be skipped. In the way of illustration, for more than thousands of
years
Add a comma
years,
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 teaching techniques have not changed.
In addition
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, books can be replaced with tablets or laptops.
Moreover
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, films can be given as home
assignment
Fix the agreement mistake
assignments
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 for several subjects and the same can be applied
for
Change preposition
to
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 computer games.
Thus
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,
this
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 alteration might be a challenge to achieve, but can lead to
better
Correct article usage
a better
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live
Replace the word
life
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 in general.
Last
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 but not least,
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 significant alterations can be a cause for children
to begin
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 to think differently. To be more precise, most of the pupils will approve of
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 changes and
this
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 can result in
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 understanding of technology.
For instance
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, we live in a digital age where tech skills have
vital
Add an article
a vital
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 role in our lives
due to
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over reliance
Add a hyphen
over-reliance
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 on gadgets.
Furthermore
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, initial acquaintance with technology will improve children's
tech-savvynes
Correct your spelling
tech-savviness
tech-savvy
. In the repercussion, it will be easier to get used to the up-to-date environment. In conclusion, as it was previously mentioned, I am sure that
education
Correct article usage
the education
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 system must be changed in order to prepare students for
appropriate
Correct article usage
an appropriate
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 new-fashioned
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
.
Submitted by zarinadalab on

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task response
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents your position on the topic and provides a roadmap for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas in a logical and coherent manner, making sure each paragraph has a clear topic and supporting sentences.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using more precise and varied words and phrases.
grammatical range
Pay attention to your sentence structure and grammar to ensure accuracy and complexity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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