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Band 5

Some people believe that the most important aspect of their job is their salary. Others think that the job itself is the most important. What do you think is the most important aspect of a job? Include specific details and examples to support your choice.

#people #aspect #job #salary #support #choice
Money
 is an
intergal
Correct your spelling
integral
 part of our life. Without it, we can not
fullfiled
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 our basic needs that's why everyone wants to earn
money
Rephrase
as money
show examples
 as much
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 can, not only to fulfill
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 basic
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 but for
luxurious
Add an article
a luxurious
the luxurious
show examples
 and easy life. To earn
money
,
people
 do
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 task
like
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some
starts
Change the verb form
start
show examples
business
Add an article
a business
the business
show examples
 and others find jobs. And many
people
 believe that
salary
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant
aspect
 of their
job
,
however
, some
disagee
Correct your spelling
disagree
 with it. In my perspective,
salary
 is the main
aspect
 of
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
 and I will
ellaborate
Correct your spelling
elaborate
my
Change preposition
on my
show examples
 point of view in detail in
given
Correct article usage
the given
show examples
 paragraphs. One of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
, one individual
applied
Wrong verb form
applies
show examples
 for the
job
 is to earn
money
 to pay his bills and to buy food.
This
 is why
salary
 is
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
aspect
 of
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
. There is not any employee in the world, who would like to
work
 for less wage rate
according to
 his
work
 duties because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 every
skills
Fix the agreement mistake
skill
show examples
 and task contains values which
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to be well paid by the employers.
Moreover
, there are minimum wage rates
sets
Wrong verb form
set
show examples
 by the governments to save
people
 from exploitation
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
so
every
Change the determiner
everyone
each
show examples
 can buy their basic needs. No one would like to take orders from others without any benefits if
money
 is not included.
That is
 why we can not ignore the importance of
salary
 and we can not
denied
Change the verb form
be denied
deny
show examples
 that it is not
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
aspect
 of
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
.
However
, there are some
people
 for whom passion is everything and more important than
money
. So, they do not focus on the salaries they get and
work
 for their own happiness and to achieve their personal goals. For
this
 kind of
people
, their duties and responsibilities at
work
 are more important than what they get in return.
For example
: there are many
under- rated
Correct your spelling
under-rated
show examples
 sports in the world where players do not earn much
money
, but, they pursue their games because they like to play
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. In my
opnion
Correct your spelling
opinion
, there are very less
people
 who
work
 for their passion, because, in today's world every person
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to make their life easy with
luxuries
Replace the word
luxurious
show examples
 products and services which can not obtained without
money
,
due to
 it, for many
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
salary
 is important
aspect
 of
job
.
Submitted by kaurnavnit23 on

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task response
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a complete response. You discuss both perspectives and clearly state your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
The overall organization of your essay is clear and logical. However, make sure to provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is adequate and you effectively convey your ideas. Try to vary your vocabulary and use more advanced expressions to enhance your essay.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is satisfactory and you use a mix of simple and complex sentences. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and use appropriate verb tenses consistently.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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