IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Write about the following topic: Some people believe that schools should reward those students who show excellent academic performance while some believe that only the ones who show significant improvement in the grades should be rewarded. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #people #schools #reward #students #show #performance #believe #ones #improvement #grades
Nowadays, some
students
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
achived
Correct your spelling
achieve
a good
Correct the article-noun agreement
good grades
a good grade
show examples
grades
 after
did exceed
Wrong verb form
doing their hard
show examples
hardworks
Correct your spelling
work
. Certain people think that
Correct article usage
the insititute
show examples
insititute
Correct your spelling
institute
 should reward those
students
 who show brilliant academic
performace
Correct your spelling
performance
while
 some believe that only the
ibes
Correct your spelling
best
 who show significant improvement in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
grades
 should be rewarded. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views and explain them.
Firstly
, I am
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 with
formal
Add an article
a formal
show examples
 point. When the schools
given
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a reward for good
grades
 to
students
then
 it helps motivate
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 and
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
students
. They are doing more
hardwark
Correct your spelling
hardware
hard work
 in
study
Add an article
the study
show examples
 and
try
Wrong verb form
trying
show examples
 to better marks in
Add an article
the exam
show examples
exam
Fix the agreement mistake
exams
show examples
.
For example
, as per a report by BBC News,
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 government started
last
 year new program for
students
 when they are achieved above
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
90 % marks in
12th
Correct article usage
the 12th
show examples
 examination
then
, they
are providing
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 the scholarship and
also
 wave-off the fees
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
further
 higher studies, so the
reasult
Correct your spelling
result
 after
one year
Add a hyphen
one-year
show examples
 passing rate is increased more than 30% from the
last
 years.
On the other hand
, when they are focusing on
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
students
 they have
given
Verb problem
made
show examples
 significant improvements in the examination. If the
students
 trying to
own
Verb problem
apply
show examples
level up from the past
years
Change noun form
year's
show examples
 results
then
 it is
responsibility
Add an article
the responsibility
show examples
 of schools and class teachers to
encarge to
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
 them and
rewards
Correct subject-verb agreement
reward
show examples
for
Correct pronoun usage
them for
show examples
this
performace
Correct your spelling
performance
.
For instance
, as per a survey by
Times
Correct article usage
the Times
show examples
 of India of the report, when
start
Change the verb form
starting
show examples
this
 activity in the schools given
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rewards
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
significant
students
Correct quantifier usage
number of students
show examples
then
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 literacy rate is increased
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
coutry
Correct your spelling
country
70
Change preposition
by 70
show examples
% to 90%
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
last
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
decades. In conclusion, we have discussed both views and found both are equally important, good
grades
students
 and show a significant improvement in
grades
. When they are rewarded for better performance
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they will be motivated and encouraged for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 . If the student is doing good
then
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 future is always better, because
students
 are
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 of the nation.
Submitted by lavneet.kumar45 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and the opinion of the writer.
coherence cohesion
Support the main points with specific examples and evidence.
task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed and that the writer's opinion is clearly stated.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and demonstrate more control over word choice.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve accuracy.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: