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Band 6

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children’s activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. Write a report describing the information shown in the two pie graphs.

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children’s activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. Write a report describing the information shown in the two pie graphs.
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The two pie charts depict
comparison
Correct article usage
a comparison
show examples
 between
boys
Change noun form
boys'
boy's
show examples
 and
girls
Change noun form
girls'
girl's
show examples
 cultural and activities during leisure
time
. In general,
boys
 mostly participate in computer game activities,
while
 most
girls
 do dancing in their spare
time
.
Additionally
, reading is less chosen by
boys
,
whereas
girls
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
 much in listening to music activity.
To begin
 with, most
boys
 play computer games (34%) and basketball (26%) in their spare
time
.
Therefore
, almost
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of
boys
 spend leisure
time
 playing soccer (17%), skateboarding (11%), and listening to music (10%). Only a few
boys
 (2%) participate in reading when they have spare
time
. Yet, the
girls
 mostly dance (27%) and read (21%) in their leisure
time
.
In addition
, more than two in five
girls
 play computer games (16%), netball (15%), and gymnastics (11%). Netball and gymnastics are activities that
boys
 do not participate in.
Furthermore
, only 10% of
girls
 choose
listening
Change the verb form
to listen
show examples
 to music as their activity during
spare
Correct pronoun usage
their spare
show examples
time
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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