The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children’s activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. Write a report describing the information shown in the two pie graphs.

#graphs #show #survey #children’s #activities #first #leisure #boys #second #girls #report #information #two

The two pie charts depict

comparison

Correct article usage

a comparison

show examples

between

boys

Change noun form

boys'

boy's

show examples

and

girls

Change noun form

girls'

girl's

show examples

cultural and activities during leisure

time

. In general,

boys

mostly participate in computer game activities,

while

most

girls

do dancing in their spare

time

Additionally

, reading is less chosen by

boys

whereas

girls

Verb problem

are

show examples

not

involve

Wrong verb form

involved

show examples

much in listening to music activity.

To begin

with, most

boys

play computer games (34%) and basketball (26%) in their spare

time

Therefore

, almost

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

half of

boys

spend leisure

time

playing soccer (17%), skateboarding (11%), and listening to music (10%). Only a few

boys

(2%) participate in reading when they have spare

time

. Yet, the

girls

mostly dance (27%) and read (21%) in their leisure

time

In addition

, more than two in five

girls

play computer games (16%), netball (15%), and gymnastics (11%). Netball and gymnastics are activities that

boys

do not participate in.

Furthermore

, only 10% of

girls

choose

listening

Change the verb form

to listen

show examples

to music as their activity during

spare

Correct pronoun usage

their spare

show examples

time

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Wed Nov 01 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls, time with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

▼

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

156 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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