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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children’s activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. Write a report describing the information shown in the two pie graphs.

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children’s activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. Write a report describing the information shown in the two pie graphs.
#graphs #show #survey #children’s #activities #first #leisure #boys #second #girls #report #information #two
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The two pie charts depict
comparison
Correct article usage
a comparison
show examples
 between
Use synonyms
boys
Change noun form
boys'
boy's
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
girls
Change noun form
girls'
girl's
show examples
 cultural and activities during leisure
time
Use synonyms
. In general,
boys
Use synonyms
 mostly participate in computer game activities,
while
Linking Words
 most
girls
Use synonyms
 do dancing in their spare
time
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, reading is less chosen by
boys
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
girls
Use synonyms
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
 much in listening to music activity.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, most
boys
Use synonyms
 play computer games (34%) and basketball (26%) in their spare
time
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, almost
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of
boys
Use synonyms
 spend leisure
time
Use synonyms
 playing soccer (17%), skateboarding (11%), and listening to music (10%). Only a few
boys
Use synonyms
 (2%) participate in reading when they have spare
time
Use synonyms
. Yet, the
girls
Use synonyms
 mostly dance (27%) and read (21%) in their leisure
time
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, more than two in five
girls
Use synonyms
 play computer games (16%), netball (15%), and gymnastics (11%). Netball and gymnastics are activities that
boys
Use synonyms
 do not participate in.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, only 10% of
girls
Use synonyms
 choose
listening
Change the verb form
to listen
show examples
 to music as their activity during
spare
Correct pronoun usage
their spare
show examples
time
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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