Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Other deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion ?
Several
people
think that society is being damaged due to
the violence
shown in the entertainment
industry
, but how much impact it has on the audience depends on the mental health of each individual. Many others think differently a
nd
deny the significance of Correct your spelling
and
this
violence
affecting people
’s behaviour
since there doesn´t
seem to be a strong connection between the two. Personally, I can agree with the latter, as it counts with the most amount of scientific research and evidence.
On the one hand, society nowadays is exposed to violence
both in the T.V. entertainment
industry
and the videogame industry
and it´s truthfully right but the impact that it leaves on society´s behaviour
seems to be related to the mental health status of people
living in the society. To put an example, U.S. studies on the cause of violent crime show that about 60% of the criminals committing this
type of felonies
suffer from some type of mental issue which can be correlated to the crime rather than being previously exposed to some kind of violent Fix the agreement mistake
felony
entertainment
.
On the other hand
, several people
think that violence
exposed
on TV. and Add a missing verb
is exposed
videogames
Correct your spelling
video games
doesn´t
correlate to a significant impact on society´s Change the verb form
don´t
behaviour
, which scientifically speaking is true, because everyone in the world is exposed to violence
both in videogames
and on TV. but Correct your spelling
video games
violence
rate globally Correct article usage
the violence
doesn´t
seem to increase. To set an example, several research studies have been done correlating video games with an increase in violent crime rates and violent behaviour
, and all of them have lacked statistical significance with results that show greater values of 0.05 in significance (Meaning not relevant and not correlated in the statistical point of view).
To conclude
, people
don´t seem to commit violent crimes due to
the fact of being exposed to violence
on TV.
or in video games but rather from having some kind of mental illness. Correct your spelling
TV
And research
has not shown relevant scientific information on the relationship between Correct word choice
Research
violence
in the entertainment
industry
and violent crimes committed. In my opinion, violence
in shows, news, or video games doesn´t
correlate to an increase in violent behaviour
unless there exists a mental health issue beneath
that can be triggered by exposure to Change preposition
apply
this
type of violent entertainment
.Submitted by f.leyton.a on
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task response
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt by presenting both sides of the argument and offering a clear personal opinion. Make sure to continue supporting your points with evidence and examples.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is clear and easy to follow. However, try to improve the transition between paragraphs to enhance the overall coherence.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is appropriate and demonstrates a good range. Consider including more specific and varied vocabulary to further enhance your essay.
grammatical range
Your essay shows a good level of grammatical range, with only minor errors. Keep practicing to further improve your accuracy.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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