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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that all children should learn geography in school. However some others think that it is more important to learn subjects that are more relevant to life. What is your opinion?

#people #children #geography #school #subjects #life
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In our society in terms of education, it is quite obvious that the content of the subjects is not related to the current one,
therefore
, most of the students and guidances attempt to stimulate the government to reform the education organization to be more efficient. In my opinion, I opine that
this
 should be reformed. On one hand,
this
 generation desires to study a subject that can be adapted to global trends because individuals have to catch up with the present,
hence
, they can survive in
this
 society.
Moreover
, it will be hard for the teachers to educate if the students opine that some of the content of the subjects is not linked with their desire,
therefore
, the government should reform to be more relevant to life.
On the other hand
, the most appropriate solution is for learning in high school should be updated, linked with the children's desire or changed to be the same as the university one because individuals want to study the subject that they are interested in learning.
For instance
, my dream is to be an architect so I want to choose the subject that relates to architecture.
Furthermore
, the content
that is
 considered
out-dated
Correct your spelling
outdated
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 should be removed by the officials because some of them are the trend
in
Change preposition
from
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 20 years ago,
therefore
, the student will find it hard to understand
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
.
To conclude
, nowadays, the global trend is rapidly changing,
therefore
, we should not be fixed with the old culture.
This
 issue has to cooperate with every organization to come up with an alternative way and the best solution together to make our children's desires become a reality.
Submitted by amittawin on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument. Use topic sentences and linking words to create a logical structure throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more varied and precise words to express your ideas.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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