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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show the percentage of male and female workers in country A and country B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of male and female workers in country A and country B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The
given
Verb problem
apply
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pie chart illustrates the proportion of men and women who
work
Use synonyms
 in three different majors
Linking Words
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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as
Change preposition
apply
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Service
Use synonyms
,
Agriculture
Use synonyms
, and Industry between countries A and
B
Use synonyms
. In general, it is noticeable that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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service
Use synonyms
 is the most attractive career for both males and females
while
Linking Words
 those in
country
Use synonyms
,
B
Use synonyms
 dominate the other.
In addition
Linking Words
, there was a tiny fraction of
agriculture
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the opposite was true for
country
Use synonyms
 A. In detail, in terms of
country
Use synonyms
 A, 56% of their male staff
work
Use synonyms
 in
service
Use synonyms
, followed by the percentage of male workers who
work
Use synonyms
 in
agriculture
Use synonyms
 29% . A similar separation was seen in the figure for female workers serving in
service
Use synonyms
 and
agriculture
Use synonyms
 was 49% and 43% respectively. In
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
, the figures for male and female employment in
service
Use synonyms
-related jobs are the most significant, at 65% and 88% respectively. On the other contrary, both males and females only accounted for a small percentage of
agriculture
Use synonyms
 5% compared to 1%.
While
Linking Words
 male and female
work
Use synonyms
 in industry accounted for 32% and 11% .

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words work, service, agriculture, b, country with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • gender employment rate
  • workforce
  • disparity
  • employment trend
  • notable difference
  • counterpart
  • demographic
  • labor market
  • sector
  • predominantly
  • employment rate
  • analysis
  • comparative study
  • statistical data
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