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Writing Samples
Band 3

Newly graduated students in the Uk and their proportions

#students #uk #proportions
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The mixed graph illustrates data regarding recently graduated students from school and finding different jobs in the UK between 1992 and 2002. Generally speaking, it is readily apparent that the
overall
Linking Words
 situation has dramatically decreased in the considered time period, albeit with specific trends for each year. First off, the digit of students from
university
Add an article
the university
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 had
a
Correct article usage
apply
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moderate growth from 1992 to 1997, with
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
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 to roughly 200,000,
while
Linking Words
 the proportions of careers
about
Change preposition
in
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 sales and other types were
climb
Wrong verb form
climbed
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, which rose by 5% and 10% respectively, and the rate of clerical jobs had a significant rise, which from 10% to 20%.
However
Linking Words
, the number of students who work in administrative management and professional fields after graduating from the university was increasing in the given temporal interval, with their proportions
drop
Wrong verb form
dropping
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 to nearly 19% and 50%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there was a slight decline
about
Change preposition
in
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 lately graduated learners in the next five years, which down to 170,000. At the same time, the proportion of professional
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
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 saw a decrease, which fell to 40%. Meanwhile, secretarial, sales the
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 types of jobs occupied by graduates witnessed a
raise
Correct your spelling
rise
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 trend.
In particular
Linking Words
, the percentage of managerial and administrative did not change between 1997 and 2002, both 19%.
Submitted by cyh000823 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion could be more explicit and provide a clearer overview of the data.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally well-maintained, but some sentences could be rephrased for better coherence.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and details to support your ideas and enhance the overall clarity of the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are comprehensive and effectively address the task requirements.
lexical resource
Increase the range of vocabulary used and ensure accuracy in word choices to enhance the lexical resource of the essay.
grammatical range
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and strive for a wider range of sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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