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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think schools should rewards students who have the best academic results, while others think it's more important to reward student who achieve other types of success (such as sports, music and good behaviour). Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #schools #rewards #students #results #reward #student #success #sports #music #behaviour
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Schools
 should be an environment where every
student
 feels included. Not every
student
 in school is academically gifted or
receive
Correct subject-verb agreement
receives
show examples
 straight A's.
some
Capitalize word
Some
show examples
 of them are better at socializing, sports, art, and using their right brain. The way
schools
 reward their
students
 in both aspects can tell us so much
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 how inclusive they are.
Academic
Fix the agreement mistake
Academics
show examples
 plays
such
 a big role in
Add an article
the students
show examples
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
 school
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Schools
 that give rewards for
high achieving
Add a hyphen
high-achieving
show examples
students
 can be a major motivation, but it's not that special. The stigma around a
scholars
Change noun form
scholar's
show examples
 academic score has always been positive. when a
student
 is able to do
math
Add an article
the math
show examples
, science, and more complex subjects that
involves
Correct subject-verb agreement
involve
show examples
left brain
Add a hyphen
left-brain
show examples
 dominance they are viewed as smarter than their peers who are better at sports or art. They get rewards in different forms,
such
 as
praises
Fix the agreement mistake
praise
show examples
, scores, and labels from society. Being book smart could
also
 lead to getting accepted into
top notch
Add a hyphen
top-notch
show examples
 universities,
scholarship
Correct word choice
and scholarship
show examples
 awards, and open them up to a wider range of career paths.
Although
 academic is important, some
students
 prefer gaining experience and excellence by using their creativity. Being good at
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
 activities is often looked down upon. when in reality sometimes it takes so much more effort to be good at sports or art. It
require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
 physical dedication
as well as
 a strong mind.
Schools
 need to start viewing both as the same and reward
students
 for everything they achieve.
That is
 why
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that it doesn't matter what subject
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
someone is good at or how creative a
student
 can be. It matters
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how a school can include both successes and reward them equally. We should start supporting the future leaders of the world in every positive
aspects
Change to a singular noun
aspect
show examples
 and not only
student
-scholars.
Submitted by jovinkacarens28 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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