IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree?

#sales #consumer #goods #power #society
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Nowadays, the influence of advertising has shown the large number of goods that the company achieved.
This
 essay will explain the reasons why I completely agree with the statement.
To begin
 with, the advertisement companies likely try to convince the consumer by creating a commercial which can change people's
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
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 and introduce their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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about
Change preposition
to
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 some new products.
In addition
, the companies use strategies to gain lots of benefits from the purchasers.
For example
,
at the end
 of the year, there will be a massive sale called “Black Friday”. It is an annual promotional campaign where they can find a variety of products
such
 as clothes, shoes, electric devices, or even plane tickets with a good deal.
As a result
, most buyers did not want them at the beginning of the month,
however
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however,
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 they bought them.
Furthermore
, another reason why the advertising is affecting sales numbers. Celebrities are
such
 an essential tool of commerce because they look reliable and attractive.
Nevertheless
, if products do not have a good quality or are useless, the consumers are likely to still purchase
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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due to
 the superstar.
Moreover
, purchasing by popular people tends to enhance your personality.
For instance
, Lisa has a Celine bag.
According to
 the information based on the Celine
websites
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website
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, the rate of buying has extremely increased after Lisa used a Celine bag.
This
 version of the bag had been out of stock and turned into a limited edition. In conclusion, advertisements have a dramatic role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sales values because it has an impact on society by using popular brands.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

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task response
The essay fails to fully address the prompt. It talks about the influence of advertising on sales numbers but does not discuss whether the high sales reflect the power of advertising and not real needs of the society.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is acceptable, but it lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Make sure to provide an overview of your main points in the introduction and summarize your argument in the conclusion.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of word repetition and a lack of variety in sentence structure. Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance your writing.
grammatical range
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including tense inconsistencies and improper sentence structure. Review grammar rules and proofread your writing to avoid these mistakes.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer behavior
  • perceived need
  • lifestyle aspirations
  • brand image
  • prestige
  • psychological techniques
  • scarcity
  • social proof
  • celebrity endorsements
  • technological advancements
  • product innovations
  • emerging consumer needs
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