Some people say that outdoor activities benefit children’s development rather than computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Technology advancement has brought modern society immense convenience.
However
, the popularization of computer
games
in
Correct article usage
the youger
show examples
youger
Correct your spelling
younger
generation has
also
generated several concerns that may potentially
hindered
Change the verb form
hinder
show examples
children’s
development
mentally and physically.
Thus
, some argue that
youngersters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
should engage more
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
outdoor activities rather than immersing themselves in
virtual
Add an article
the virtual
a virtual
show examples
world. I
competely
Correct your spelling
completely
agree with
this
perspective. First and foremost, excessive exposure
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
virtual thrills has
arise
Verb problem
raised
show examples
several concerns that may potentially harm children’s mental
development
. It is undoubtedly that adolescents nowadays devote too much attention to digital
games
, and in some severe cases, it may cause cyber
addition
Correct your spelling
addiction
show examples
.
Furthermore
, various traits
such
as social awareness, communication skills, and teamwork capability require frequent interaction with people. By engaging in outdoor
acivities
Correct your spelling
activities
,
such
as football, camping and outings,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
increase people’s connection with one another. Without those connections, children might encounter obstacles in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public, or even develop social anxiety.
As a result
, outdoor leisure could
yeild
Correct your spelling
yield
long-term benefits for
childern
Correct your spelling
children
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
with playing computer
games
.
In addition
, outdoor activities benefit young people with improved physical
development
, which is not achievable through devotion
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
virtual
games
. It is not uncommon to witness young individuals suffering from Myopia, which is mainly
cause
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caused
show examples
by playing video
games
or overengross in digital platforms. By shifting people’s leisure time toward outdoor activities, it could reduce time spent on harmful matters, and
therefore
, enhance the health
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
juveniles.
Moreover
, the benefits extend beyond
this
, people could develop a healthy routine and exercise regularly.
This
could not only be stress
reliefing
Correct your spelling
relieving
relief
but
also
improve people’s lifestyles in many ways,
for example
,
providing
Change preposition
by providing
show examples
a better
night
Change noun form
night's
show examples
sleep.
To sum up
, I firmly believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outdoor
leisures
Fix the agreement mistake
leisure
show examples
instead
of computer
games
are far more
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
for children’s
development
, both mentally and physically.
Submitted by jessieiniar1202 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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