Some people say that outdoor activities benefit children’s development rather than computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Technology advancement has brought modern society immense convenience.
However
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, the popularization of computer
games
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in
Correct article usage
the youger
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youger
Correct your spelling
younger
generation has
also
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generated several concerns that may potentially
hindered
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hinder
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children’s
development
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mentally and physically.
Thus
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, some argue that
youngersters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
should engage more
on
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in
show examples
outdoor activities rather than immersing themselves in
virtual
Add an article
the virtual
a virtual
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world. I
competely
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completely
agree with
this
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perspective. First and foremost, excessive exposure
of
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to
show examples
virtual thrills has
arise
Verb problem
raised
show examples
several concerns that may potentially harm children’s mental
development
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. It is undoubtedly that adolescents nowadays devote too much attention to digital
games
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, and in some severe cases, it may cause cyber
addition
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addiction
show examples
.
Furthermore
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, various traits
such
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as social awareness, communication skills, and teamwork capability require frequent interaction with people. By engaging in outdoor
acivities
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activities
,
such
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as football, camping and outings,
it
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apply
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increase people’s connection with one another. Without those connections, children might encounter obstacles in
the
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apply
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public, or even develop social anxiety.
As a result
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, outdoor leisure could
yeild
Correct your spelling
yield
long-term benefits for
childern
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children
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
with playing computer
games
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.
In addition
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, outdoor activities benefit young people with improved physical
development
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, which is not achievable through devotion
in
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to
show examples
virtual
games
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. It is not uncommon to witness young individuals suffering from Myopia, which is mainly
cause
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caused
show examples
by playing video
games
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or overengross in digital platforms. By shifting people’s leisure time toward outdoor activities, it could reduce time spent on harmful matters, and
therefore
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, enhance the health
for
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of
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juveniles.
Moreover
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, the benefits extend beyond
this
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, people could develop a healthy routine and exercise regularly.
This
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could not only be stress
reliefing
Correct your spelling
relieving
relief
but
also
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improve people’s lifestyles in many ways,
for example
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,
providing
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by providing
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a better
night
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night's
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sleep.
To sum up
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, I firmly believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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outdoor
leisures
Fix the agreement mistake
leisure
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instead
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of computer
games
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are far more
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
for children’s
development
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, both mentally and physically.
Submitted by jessieiniar1202 on

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Your grammatical range is impressive. You showcase a good command of sentence structure and grammar throughout the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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