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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s live. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people’s
The development of
science
 has many benefits for various aspects
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 world. In fact, I agree that the existence of
science
 should enhance
people
’s lives nowadays compared to only focusing on the mechanism of
science
 itself. On the one hand,
it is clear that
science
 has more of an
aim
 than only to improve
people
’s lives. The most common
aim
 of
science
 is to build scientific knowledge and it stops for
education
 purposes.
Science
 leads the norm of correctness in the context of the trueness of hypotheses. After the hypothesis gets
a validation
Wrong verb form
validated
show examples
,
people
 tend to make that fact as only knowledge. A bunch of those scientific facts might be cycled on a
science
 cycle
thus
 becoming the mechanism of
science
 itself. Nowadays,
people
 tend to learn
science
 either
for graduating
Change preposition
to graduate
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school or
getting
Wrong verb form
to get
show examples
 a nice score
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 an assessment. Once again, it is for knowledge or
education
credit
 only,
people
 usually do not use it continuously for their
life
. ‘A valuable display’ is the right title for
this
 case. Despite the importance of
science
 in
education
credit
, I believe the most crucial purpose of
science
at the end
 is
for guiding
Change preposition
to guide
show examples
people
 to a better
life
.
Science
 takes the role of validating hypotheses in order to reveal the easiness of
this
life
. The impact of
science
 should be
continu
Correct your spelling
continued
continue
, not only for
education
credit
, so that it could be more beneficial in many ways.
For instance
, in the health aspect, with health
science
,
people
 might know how to prevent disease so that they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 live healthier and do the best performance in their
liveslife
Correct your spelling
lives
.
Along with
 other aspects, in economics, agriculture, communication, and so on. In many situations,
science
’s
aim
 could specifically determine the laws of
this
 world. In conclusion,
science
 has an
aim
 for some aspects indeed, including
credit
 for graduating from the
education
 institution, but
science
 still has the most important purpose to improve
people
’s lives. It is quite meaningless if
science
 is not used to enhance the quality of human
life
.
Submitted by hwidyadana on

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task response
Ensure that all points are directly related to the topic and question prompt. Include a clear thesis statement that presents your stance on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay in a logical manner, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of your argument. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas and ensure coherence.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use a variety of words and phrases to express your ideas more effectively. Aim for more precise word choice and avoid repetition.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Aim for more complex sentence structures and ensure the correct use of tenses and verb forms.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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