IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s live. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people’s
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The development of
science
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 has many benefits for various aspects
in
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of
show examples
this
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 world. In fact, I agree that the existence of
science
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 should enhance
people
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’s lives nowadays compared to only focusing on the mechanism of
science
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 itself. On the one hand,
it is clear that
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science
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 has more of an
aim
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 than only to improve
people
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’s lives. The most common
aim
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 of
science
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 is to build scientific knowledge and it stops for
education
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 purposes.
Science
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 leads the norm of correctness in the context of the trueness of hypotheses. After the hypothesis gets
a validation
Wrong verb form
validated
show examples
,
people
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 tend to make that fact as only knowledge. A bunch of those scientific facts might be cycled on a
science
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 cycle
thus
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 becoming the mechanism of
science
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 itself. Nowadays,
people
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 tend to learn
science
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 either
for graduating
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to graduate
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school or
getting
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to get
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 a nice score
in
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on
show examples
 an assessment. Once again, it is for knowledge or
education
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credit
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 only,
people
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 usually do not use it continuously for their
life
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. ‘A valuable display’ is the right title for
this
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 case. Despite the importance of
science
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 in
education
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credit
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, I believe the most crucial purpose of
science
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at the end
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 is
for guiding
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to guide
show examples
people
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 to a better
life
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.
Science
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 takes the role of validating hypotheses in order to reveal the easiness of
this
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life
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. The impact of
science
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 should be
continu
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continued
continue
, not only for
education
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credit
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, so that it could be more beneficial in many ways.
For instance
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, in the health aspect, with health
science
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,
people
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 might know how to prevent disease so that they
could
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can
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 live healthier and do the best performance in their
liveslife
Correct your spelling
lives
.
Along with
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 other aspects, in economics, agriculture, communication, and so on. In many situations,
science
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’s
aim
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 could specifically determine the laws of
this
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 world. In conclusion,
science
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 has an
aim
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 for some aspects indeed, including
credit
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 for graduating from the
education
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 institution, but
science
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 still has the most important purpose to improve
people
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’s lives. It is quite meaningless if
science
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 is not used to enhance the quality of human
life
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.
Submitted by hwidyadana on

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task response
Ensure that all points are directly related to the topic and question prompt. Include a clear thesis statement that presents your stance on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay in a logical manner, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of your argument. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas and ensure coherence.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use a variety of words and phrases to express your ideas more effectively. Aim for more precise word choice and avoid repetition.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Aim for more complex sentence structures and ensure the correct use of tenses and verb forms.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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