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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

40.The table shows the percentage of government expenditure on health care in five countries in 2006 as well as the proportions of 24-30-year-olds working in medical services. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

40.The table shows the percentage of government expenditure on health care in five countries in 2006 as well as the proportions of 24-30-year-olds working in medical services. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#percentage #government #expenditure #health #care #five #countries #proportions #services #information #features #comparisons
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The table displays information about the proportion of
government
Use synonyms
 spending used on
health
Use synonyms
 maintenance and the percentage of
individuals
Use synonyms
 from 24 to 30 who
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
 in medical
services
Use synonyms
 in 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, the Italian
government
Use synonyms
 is the one that
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
 the higher amount of their funds on
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 Poland was the one with
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 spenders, but they had
also
Linking Words
 among the highest proportion of
individuals
Use synonyms
 between 24 and 30 who
work
Use synonyms
 in medical
services
Use synonyms
. 27% of
government
Use synonyms
 expenditure
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 used for
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 in Italy, and 40% of Italian people have a job related to medical
services
Use synonyms
, which was the second highest
overall
Linking Words
. The next country that
spent
Wrong verb form
spends
show examples
 the most
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 is Spain, with 13%, and 34% of
individuals
Use synonyms
 working in the area. Iceland’s
government
Use synonyms
 used 11% of their funds for
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
, and 29% of
individuals
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
medical related
Add a hyphen
medical-related
show examples
work
Use synonyms
. Finland is the second country that
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
 the least on
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 with only
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
9%, and only one-fourth of people from 24 to 30
work
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 area.
Finally
Linking Words
, Poland
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is the nation that
waste
Change the verb form
wastes
show examples
 the least in
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
, with only 5%, but it
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 the highest number of people working in medical
services
Use synonyms
, with 54%.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words government, health, individuals, work, services, care with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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