IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

40.The table shows the percentage of government expenditure on health care in five countries in 2006 as well as the proportions of 24-30-year-olds working in medical services. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

40.The table shows the percentage of government expenditure on health care in five countries in 2006 as well as the proportions of 24-30-year-olds working in medical services. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#percentage #government #expenditure #health #care #five #countries #proportions #services #information #features #comparisons
The table displays information about the proportion of
government
 spending used on
health
 maintenance and the percentage of
individuals
 from 24 to 30 who
work
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
 in medical
services
 in 2006.
Overall
, the Italian
government
 is the one that
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
 the higher amount of their funds on
health
care
,
while
 Poland was the one with
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 spenders, but they had
also
 among the highest proportion of
individuals
 between 24 and 30 who
work
 in medical
services
. 27% of
government
 expenditure
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 used for
health
care
 in Italy, and 40% of Italian people have a job related to medical
services
, which was the second highest
overall
. The next country that
spent
Wrong verb form
spends
show examples
 the most
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
health
care
 is Spain, with 13%, and 34% of
individuals
 working in the area. Iceland’s
government
 used 11% of their funds for
health
care
, and 29% of
individuals
work
 in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
medical related
Add a hyphen
medical-related
show examples
work
. Finland is the second country that
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
 the least on
health
care
 with only
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
9%, and only one-fourth of people from 24 to 30
work
 in
this
 area.
Finally
, Poland
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is the nation that
waste
Change the verb form
wastes
show examples
 the least in
health
care
, with only 5%, but it
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 the highest number of people working in medical
services
, with 54%.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words government, health, individuals, work, services, care with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: