IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Today people live away from their friends and family to find a job in other cities. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is true that many
people
Use synonyms
 have moved to other provinces or abroad to
work
Use synonyms
 ,and it can be seen that the number of new generation who prefer to find a job outside their hometown is increasing why they live so far away from family and friends. I think that
this
Linking Words
 situation can be positive and negative in communities.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
this
Linking Words
 statement is why working in other places can have advantages and disadvantages.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the benefit of working abroad is if
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 abroad, they will get more income than working in their city.
Such
Linking Words
 as my brother has been living in Canada for 5 years because his company sent him to
work
Use synonyms
 there, and gave him a higher salary so, he could send money to his children to study in a good school. And buy a house.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I think that the most important that
people
Use synonyms
 go to
work
Use synonyms
 away because of money.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the negatives of living alone in another city.
Firstly
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, if many
people
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 stay alone in other cities and long distances from relatives, they will be homesick.
Such
Linking Words
 as, the survey found that 80 per cent of the worker who is working in other nations, will miss their home country ,and they will feel alone.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will likely suffer from mental problems and even have to head back to their old cities.
Thus
Linking Words
, I think that the government should think about
this
Linking Words
 problem and solve
this
Linking Words
 situation by giving more salaries to them and inviting them to
work
Use synonyms
 in their hometown
To sum up
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, the number of working in other city have increased,
this
Linking Words
 action can be positive and negative
such
Linking Words
 as high salary and health problem so
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if the government don't want them to go
another
Change preposition
to another
show examples
 place, they will support them.

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task response
Make sure to clearly state your position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Structure your essay with clearly defined paragraphs and use linking words to improve coherence.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to make your essay more engaging and precise.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structures and grammar to improve your overall clarity.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • opportunities
  • financial stability
  • personal growth
  • emotional distance
  • support network
  • missing out on
  • important moments
  • manage effectively
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