Today people live away from their friends and family to find a job in other cities. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is true that many
people
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have moved to other provinces or abroad to
work
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,and it can be seen that the number of new generation who prefer to find a job outside their hometown is increasing why they live so far away from family and friends. I think that
this
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situation can be positive and negative in communities.
This
Linking Words
essay will discuss
this
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statement is why working in other places can have advantages and disadvantages.
To begin
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with, the benefit of working abroad is if
people
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work
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abroad, they will get more income than working in their city.
Such
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as my brother has been living in Canada for 5 years because his company sent him to
work
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there, and gave him a higher salary so, he could send money to his children to study in a good school. And buy a house.
Therefore
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, I think that the most important that
people
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go to
work
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away because of money.
On the other hand
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, the negatives of living alone in another city.
Firstly
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, if many
people
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stay alone in other cities and long distances from relatives, they will be homesick.
Such
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as, the survey found that 80 per cent of the worker who is working in other nations, will miss their home country ,and they will feel alone.
As a result
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, they will likely suffer from mental problems and even have to head back to their old cities.
Thus
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, I think that the government should think about
this
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problem and solve
this
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situation by giving more salaries to them and inviting them to
work
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in their hometown
To sum up
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, the number of working in other city have increased,
this
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action can be positive and negative
such
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as high salary and health problem so
,
Remove the comma
apply
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if the government don't want them to go
another
Change preposition
to another
show examples
place, they will support them.
Submitted by itchayatop31 on

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task response
Make sure to clearly state your position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Structure your essay with clearly defined paragraphs and use linking words to improve coherence.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to make your essay more engaging and precise.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structures and grammar to improve your overall clarity.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • opportunities
  • financial stability
  • personal growth
  • emotional distance
  • support network
  • missing out on
  • important moments
  • manage effectively
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