Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Retirement
is the time
when someone who work
has reached Change the verb form
works
certain
age of the limit of Add an article
a certain
the
productivity. To prepare the Correct article usage
apply
retirement
, individuals need to ensure that they are financially and mentally prepared for the changes that come with no longer working.
Commonly the retirement
age in Indonesia is about 56-65 years. For some institutions they let their employee to take the early retirement
. There are some advantages to retire
at Wrong verb form
retiring
early
age. Add an article
an early
First,
they can have more leisure time
for doing personal things or spent with family. Second,
by using available time
for personal activities like hobbies and other activities that couldn’t be done when working, they can explore new skills or self-potential. The moment is the appropriate time
to recognize themselves better. Third,
they can develop new
passion that allows them to embrace and experience a Add an article
a new
the new
truly
life Change the adverb
true
according to
their interests. Lastly
, for
Change preposition
apply
they
who Correct pronoun usage
those
has
tough Correct subject-verb agreement
have
work
physically, need to rest earlier to maintain their Correct word choice
physical work
healthy
and preserve them from Replace the word
health
burn out
. These kinds of Correct your spelling
burnout
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
job
are mining Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
worker
, construction Fix the agreement mistake
workers
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
worker
, Fix the agreement mistake
workers
Fix the agreement mistake
athletes
athlete
, etc.
Fix the agreement mistake
athletes
In contrast
, there are several disadvantages by
taking the pension earlier. Commonly, Change preposition
to
calculation
Add an article
the calculation
a calculation
pension
fund Change preposition
of pension
is
using Unnecessary verb
apply
working
period. Correct article usage
a working
Therefore
, the less long of the working period will reduce the amount of pension fund
. Fix the agreement mistake
funds
Pensioner
will receive a monthly income less than the earnings of Fix the agreement mistake
Pensioners
they
who work until Correct pronoun usage
those
maximum
working period.
Correct article usage
the maximum
Thereby
, workers need to consider these two aspects Rephrase
Therefore
for
deciding the end of their term of employment. They deserve early Change preposition
before
retirement
if they have prepared.Submitted by work.shabrinawarastri on
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task response
Ensure that the essay clearly addresses all aspects of the prompt, including the question of whether having a set retirement age for everybody is fair or unfair.
coherence cohesion
Improve the introduction and conclusion to provide a clear structure and a strong thesis statement.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices to enhance the essay's lexical resource.
grammatical range
Pay closer attention to grammar and sentence structure to improve the essay's grammatical range.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.