Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and insterets whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #insterets

Interviewers sometimes ask for personal

data

from the

people

who applied for the

job

. Including the hobbies they have, their interests and

the

Change the word

their

show examples

marriage status. Others say that

this

data

may be appropriate and beneficial. Others disagree. In my opinion, personal information should be always private unless the

job

position can be improved with

these

Correct determiner usage

this

show examples

data

. Knowing personal

data

about the employee can be dangerous. Many companies use these private details to lower the income or to increase the working hours.

For example

, a company can set a different salary with the same position because one worker is

maried

Correct your spelling

married

and the other is single.

Therefore

people

who are seeking

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

jobs have to be careful about sharing their personal information.

On the other hand

, relevant personal

data

can improve

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

working outcomes and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

job

satisfaction. To illustrate, HR managers can provide a working position

that is

suited

with

Change preposition

show examples

the

worker

Change noun form

worker's

show examples

hobbies and social life.

Therefore

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

job

satisfaction can be improved which

lead

Correct subject-verb agreement

leads

show examples

to better outcomes

Change preposition

for

show examples

the employees. I believe that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

personal

data

can be helpful but

people

have to

aware

Add a missing verb

be aware

show examples

of the company history before providing

these information

Change the determiner

this information

show examples

because it may used inappropriately and

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

may harm the employee in the long term or the short term. In conclusion, personal

data

can be used in inappropriate ways by companies and

people

must be aware of that.

However

, these private details about the employee can improve the

job

satisfaction and it may boost the outcomes of the work.

Submitted by ibrakh80 on Sat Nov 04 2023

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task response

Your essay addresses both views and presents your opinion clearly. Well done!

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of your essay is good. However, make sure to connect your ideas more effectively.

lexical resource

Your essay displays a good range of vocabulary. To improve, try using more specific and precise vocabulary.

grammatical range

Your grammar is generally accurate, but pay attention to verb agreement and article usage.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

251 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and insterets whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people feel that manufactures and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of foods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some feel that it is impossible for a country to be economically progressive and environmentally friendly at the same time. Others disagree with this view. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

In the past, knowledge was stored in books. Today, people stored knowledge on the Internet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that the best way to control accidents on city streets is to lower the speed limit but others think there are more important issues that need attention before roads can be safe.