Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and insterets whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Interviewers sometimes ask for personal
data
from the people
who applied for the job
. Including the hobbies they have, their interests and the
marriage status. Others say that Change the word
their
this
data
may be appropriate and beneficial. Others disagree. In my opinion, personal information should be always private unless the job
position can be improved with these
Correct determiner usage
this
data
.
Knowing personal data
about the employee can be dangerous. Many companies use these private details to lower the income or to increase the working hours. For example
, a company can set a different salary with the same position because one worker is maried
and the other is single. Correct your spelling
married
Therefore
, people
who are seeking for
jobs have to be careful about sharing their personal information.
Change preposition
apply
On the other hand
, relevant personal data
can improve the
working outcomes and Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
job
satisfaction. To illustrate, HR managers can provide a working position that is
suited with
the Change preposition
to
worker
hobbies and social life. Change noun form
worker's
Therefore
, the
Correct article usage
apply
job
satisfaction can be improved which lead
to better outcomes Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
of
the employees. I believe that Change preposition
for
the
personal Correct article usage
apply
data
can be helpful but people
have to aware
of the company history before providing Add a missing verb
be aware
these information
because it may used inappropriately and Change the determiner
this information
it
may harm the employee in the long term or the short term.
In conclusion, personal Correct pronoun usage
apply
data
can be used in inappropriate ways by companies and people
must be aware of that. However
, these private details about the employee can improve the job
satisfaction and it may boost the outcomes of the work.Submitted by ibrakh80 on
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task response
Your essay addresses both views and presents your opinion clearly. Well done!
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is good. However, make sure to connect your ideas more effectively.
lexical resource
Your essay displays a good range of vocabulary. To improve, try using more specific and precise vocabulary.
grammatical range
Your grammar is generally accurate, but pay attention to verb agreement and article usage.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
