IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant You should write at least 150 words.
#minutes #show #percentage #time #adults #activities #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A glance at
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
show examples
 charts provided reveals a sharp comparison of the ratio of
time
Use synonyms
 working that adolescents used to distinction activities in a particular nation, measured in
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, between 1958 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, people spent
one -third
Correct your spelling
one-third of
show examples
Use synonyms
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
, in both 1958 and 2008,
to
Change the verb form
working
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 and
sleep
Wrong verb form
sleeping
show examples
. In 1958, overwhelming proportions of the percentage of
time
Use synonyms
 working belonged to working and sleeping
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 33% and 32%, closely followed by going out( with friends or family) with 19%.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 the third
ranks
Fix the agreement mistake
rank
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 accounted for by three activities,
such
Linking Words
 as relaxing at home, other interests and travel to
work
Use synonyms
, with under 10%. After half a century,
although
Linking Words
 the ratio of
time
Use synonyms
 working of both working and sleeping still remained the first rank, they had obvious alterations.
While
Linking Words
 the percentage of a day, that people consumed to
work
Use synonyms
, exponentially increased to 42%, that of sleeping experienced a deterioration to 25%.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the scale, the least significant proportions made up to other interests or playing sports, travel to
work
Use synonyms
 and going out with 8%, 8% and 6% respectively. Meanwhile, the percentage of a day that adults used to relax at home accelerated to 13%.
Submitted by nh203618 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words time, work with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie chart
  • percentage
  • activities
  • working adults
  • summarise
  • report
  • main features
  • comparisons
  • relevant
  • time spent
  • work-related
  • leisure
  • personal care
  • travel
  • noticeable trends
  • over a period
  • devoted
  • significant changes
  • contrast
  • compare
What to do next:
Look at other essays: