IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8.5

Today there is a great increase in antisocial personal behaviour such as committing a crime. What are the causes of this? Who should be responsible for this problem

#behaviour #crime
It is true that there is a huge rise in the number of antisocial personal behaviour, often resulting in committing a crime. There are various reasons why
this
 happens, but the government, community and family can take steps to address
this
 issue. There are several reasons why I would argue that the number of individuals who do illegal activities increases significantly.
To begin
 with, poverty and unemployment contribute to an environment where crime becomes an actual means of survival.
For example
, some people arrested for stealing from others have confessed that their actions were driven by their financial hardships.
Furthermore
, a lack of community and family support could
also
 lead to
this
 issue. By
this
, I mean there is limited access to social activities, mental health support, opportunities for recreation and positive engagement, thereby creating an environment that might see a higher rate of criminals. Since
such
 issues are serious, the government and individuals should take steps immediately to address these problems. The first solution would be for the government to implement laws, policies, and initiatives that can address the root cause of
this
 problem, including law enforcement, funding social programs and community development efforts.
Moreover
, the local communities should spend more attention on each individual, and offer mentorship and education to prevent crimes.
Finally
, family plays an important role in guiding and instructing a person’s personality, providing a supportive and stable environment for people to grow up positively. In conclusion, various measures can be taken to tackle the problems that are certain to arise as antisocial personal behaviour rises dramatically these days.
Submitted by miatr.work on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To further enhance your essay and possibly achieve a perfect score, consider adding more diverse and complex sentence structures to showcase a higher level of language proficiency.
task achievement
While your essay thoroughly covers the topic, including more varied examples from different contexts or cultures could add depth to your arguments and demonstrate a broader understanding of the issue.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the task, presenting clear arguments and solutions to the problem of antisocial behavior.
coherence cohesion
You have done a good job structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which aids significantly in the coherence and cohesion of your response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • antisocial behavior
  • delinquent peer groups
  • dysfunctional family dynamics
  • economic inequality
  • substance abuse
  • mental health issues
  • desensitize
  • normalize
  • domestic violence
  • neglect
  • abuse
  • survival
  • inadequate education
  • job opportunities
  • poor decision-making skills
  • violent content
  • criminal activities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: