IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The two pie graphs compare the ratio of
five
Correct article usage
the five
show examples
 categories
Change preposition
of families
show examples
families
Change noun form
families'
show examples
 average
cost
Use synonyms
 in two different countries
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 in the year 2010. It is noticeable
spent
Correct word choice
that spent
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 a
significantly
Change the adverb
significant
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 percentage of their household on food and housing occupied their salaries in both countries in the same year period,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
Japan
Replace the word
Japanese
show examples
 families spent
transport
Correct quantifier usage
more transport
show examples
 than
Use synonyms
Malaysia
Replace the word
Malaysian
show examples
 families. As per the pie graph in
Japan
Use synonyms
,
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we can
be seen
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people spent a large number of other goods and services 29%
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was more than 3%
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
Use synonyms
Malaysia
Change noun form
Malaysia's
show examples
 expenditures in 2010, and
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 and third
Use synonyms
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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 were food and housing that it occupied 24% and 21% respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, more than a third(34%) and overtook a quarter (25%) salaries of
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 people were
Use synonyms
cost
Verb problem
spent
show examples
 on housing and food more than one in ten(13%) and 3% respectively in
Japan
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, people
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
Malaysia
Use synonyms
cost
Use synonyms
 in the other goods and s

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cost, japan, malaysia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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