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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the population of particular country by age group starting in 1960 and including a forecast to 2040.

The graph below shows the population of particular country by age group starting in 1960 and including a forecast to 2040.
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The line
chat
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chart
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 illustrates, by
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, the number of people within an area since 1960 and the prediction up to 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, the portion of
age
Use synonyms
 above 65 goes up
while
Linking Words
 the rest goes down across the period chart. For the elderly, having
age
Use synonyms
 more
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
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 65
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 has 15% at the
starting
Replace the word
start
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 of the reporting period and stabilized in the first decade, 1960 to 1970.
Then
Linking Words
, the
ago
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age
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group
Use synonyms
 portion goes up steadily to 35% and
Add a missing verb
is predicated
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predicated
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predicted
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 to go
further
Linking Words
 to reach 45% in the
year
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of
Change preposition
apply
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2040. Regarding the rest groups,
child
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children
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 aged below 14
has
Wrong verb form
had
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 30% population in the
year
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of
Change preposition
apply
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1960
while
Linking Words
 the rest 55% is
middle
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middle-aged
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age
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, from
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year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 15 to 65. Given
to
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apply
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the drop
of
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in
show examples
child
Correct article usage
the child
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group
Use synonyms
 and
Correct article usage
the leved
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leved
Correct your spelling
lived
level
 of
aged
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the aged
an aged
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group
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, the middle has a
slightly
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slight
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 increase to reach
max
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a max
the max
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 of 60
till
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by
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 1990 and change to
Correct article usage
a down
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down trend
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downtrend
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 to
current
Correct article usage
the current
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 stage and
expected
Add a missing verb
is expected
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 to even goes down to reach 55% in 2040,
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 portion as
Use synonyms
age
Add an article
the age
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above
Change preposition
apply
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65. Similar
for
Change preposition
to
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 the child
group
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, it has a descending order since 1960 from 30% and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
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 12% and 10% in the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2020 and 2040 respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "goes up" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 4 times.
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