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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The chart shows
percent
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 changes in
people
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 who were born in
Australia
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 and who were born outside
Australia
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 living in
urba
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urban
,
ruaral
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rural
 and
teown
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town
down
 between 1995 and 2010. The percentage of
people
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 in the three
differnt
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different
 housings
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 changed significantly over the time
period
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.
People
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 born in
Australia
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 and living in cities have gone up from almost 45% to 60%. The percentage of
people
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 living in town has declined over the
period
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 from 20% to 15%.
People
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 living in urban
areas
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
also
Linking Words
 dropped from from 30% to 15% from 1995 to 2010.
While
Linking Words
 percentage of
people
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 born outside
Australia
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 and living in cities rose significantly from 60% to 80%.
People
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 living in town
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a
sight
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slight
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 decline of almost 5% and
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Correct article usage
the percent
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
people
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 living in rural
areas
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has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
signifiacantly
Correct your spelling
significantly
 dropped from 40% to 5%. All in all,
people
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 who were born in
Australia
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 and
people
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 who were born outside of
Australia
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 over the
period
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Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
people
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 living in cities remained higher than in towns and rural
areas
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 but the
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
people
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 living in rural
areas
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 has significantly declined over the
period
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 as shown in the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
graph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percent, people, australia, period, areas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 3 times.
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