IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people dislike changes in their society and in their own lives, and want things to stay the same. Why do some people want things to stay the same? Why should change be regarded as something positive?

#people #dislike #changes #society #lives #change
Nevertheless
, Some individuals believe that
the
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apply
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society should be remained constant and should not
being
Change the verb form
be
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 changed
during
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over
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the
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apply
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time, I think change could
be always consider
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be always considered
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as
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apply
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an advantage.
Hence
, I will express my opinions about both sides of view. On one hand,
person
Add an article
the person
a person
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 who has
low-esteem
Correct article usage
a low-esteem
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 personality
,
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apply
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 normally has fear about changing. Since they have been thinking that it might be possible that the new situation put them at the risk of not being accepted by others.
Furthermore
, in my opinion, the other substantial reason that leads people to petrify from moving or transferring from their present condition to
updated
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an updated
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 condition would be rooted in their childhood experience.
For instance
, there is a possibility that any individuals had been faced
to
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with
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the
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apply
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unpleasant
occurrence
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occurrences
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as a result
 of the major change which happened to them in the initial years of their life.
Consequently
,
due to
 the impact of that memory, they have been
scaring
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scared
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from
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of
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 any
further
 changes.
In contrast
, some people like to face
to
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apply
show examples
any changes, whether it would have ended up with happiness or not. Frankly, I strongly argue with
this
 point of view, because, I think
the
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incredible inventions will not be invented if people don't take risks. For more clarification, I want to address
to
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apply
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a real story which
this
 topic triggers my mind. The story of
invention
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the invention
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 of
airplane
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the airplane
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 which if the inventor didn’t take a risk and didn’t try that by himself,
then
, nowadays we have to travel around the world
by
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in
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 our own
vehicle
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vehicles
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. In conclusion, society
included
Wrong verb form
includes
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abundance
Correct article usage
an abundance
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persons
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of persons
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 who have eclectic
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
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 about
definition
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the definition
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 of fear,
Although
Correct word choice
However
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, it would be better if we could
be learning to
Wrong verb form
learn
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 how it would be possible to face
with
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apply
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our fears,
therefore
, we could
improved
Change the verb form
improve
show examples
 our society
as a result
.
Submitted by behdad.jahangir on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical sequence of ideas. Use appropriate transition words to connect ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction that provides background information and a thesis statement. Conclude the essay by summarizing the main points and restating the thesis.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas. Avoid repetitive words and try to incorporate more advanced and specific terms.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Avoid errors, such as subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence fragments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Status quo
  • Skepticism
  • Inevitable
  • Progression
  • Innovation
  • Cultural identity
  • Familiarity
  • Aversion
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Economic stability
  • Global awareness
  • Personal growth
What to do next:
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