IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people’s skin. Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#parts #world #market #products #whiten #people’s #skin #outline #effects #terms #health #society
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Fair-looking
skin
 has been a trend nowadays , especially in a vast majority of the population around the globe which booms the economic market for whitening
products
. Several reasons for consuming these
products
 will be discussed in
this
 essay
as well as
 the outcome it inflicts in relation to health and the community. Generally, most of us would see beauty in ivory. The whiter your
skin
, the better your outside reflection be for most
people
.Perhaps, it is a walk in the park marketing
this
skin
-whitening merchandise.
For example
, I myself have been a fanatic of
one
 particular soap that actually whitens
skin
 in seven days as seen in the advertisement. Since I am not too satisfied with my dark
skin
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
, rushing to buy
this
 good has never been a difficult decision.Ideally, I expect a change in
skin
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
 in a week but it has not become a reality. Using
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 whitening
productproducts
Correct your spelling
product products
 may have impacted me psychologically, as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
inflict
Wrong verb form
inflicted
show examples
 doubt
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
myself
Correct pronoun usage
me
show examples
 and lessened my confidence in how
people
 look at me with my dark-skinned colour.But it may not be the case for some, though all in all, using whitening
products
 could not be so detrimental to
one
's health for
one
 has the choice of how to improve her own physical appearance.Research has shown that whitening
products
 do not impose a huge impact on
one
's well-being.The only main effect might be with what other
people
 view the standard of beauty may it regard with
one
's
skin
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
.
Therefore
, dissatisfaction with your own
color
 could result
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 patronizing whitening
products
.Though it is not
much
Rephrase
very
show examples
 harmful to
people
's health,
one
's thought of not being accepted in society because of
skin
 colour clearly reflects the insecurity
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
yourself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by tiania_renerose on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Use appropriate transition words to connect ideas.
coherence cohesion
Expand on the introduction and provide a more comprehensive conclusion that summarizes the main points.
lexical resource
Increase the range of vocabulary used and use more precise and varied expressions.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure, grammar rules, and eliminate errors.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Skin lightening
  • Whitening products
  • Cultural standards
  • Beauty ideals
  • Media portrayal
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Colorism
  • Self-esteem
  • Toxic ingredients
  • Hydroquinone
  • Mercury
  • Melanin
  • Dermatological health
  • Consumer awareness
  • Regulatory bodies
  • Ethical marketing
  • Natural remedies
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