IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam'. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?

#car #ownership #thirty #years #cities #world #traffic #jam #measures #governments #people #cars
It is thought by many
people
 that
car
 ownership has
raised
Verb problem
risen
show examples
 significantly over the past three decades and cities
has
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 occupied by traffic. I think it is fair enough to mention that amount of
people
 owning
cars
 has increased simply because
cars
 become more affordable to buy. I can provide a few solutions for reducing
car
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
. First of all,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
comfort plays a huge role in
a public
Remove the article
public transport
a means of public transport
a mode of public transport
show examples
transport
 and making the ride more pleasant may solve the problem
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 overusing
cars
. If the
buses
 or subway
will be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 properly equipped with
wi-fi
Capitalize word
Wi-Fi
show examples
 spots,
cozy
Change the spelling
cosy
show examples
 seats, and
well-functioning
Correct article usage
a well-functioning
show examples
 air-conditioning system it will positively impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
’s
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
a public
Remove the article
public transport
a means of public transport
a mode of public transport
show examples
transport
. Another suggestion is to provide more stops and make routes convenient for each city district. Since many
people
 struggle with finding
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right stop near their houses, building
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
additional stops may push them
use
Add the particle
to use
show examples
 public
transport
instead
 of the
car
.
In addition
, organizing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
suitable bus or metro routes that can easily provide
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 clear direction to any
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
 in town, may
also
 be a beneficial aspect
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 choosing public
transport
.
Furthermore
, It should be noted that increasing the figures of
buses
 can
also
led
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to reducing
car
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
. The reason for
that is
 the bigger numbers of
buses
 makes them less
crowd
Replace the word
crowded
show examples
 and obviously more comfortable for citizens. Considering that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
many
people
 choose
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own
cars
 simply because they feel anxious among the big crowd,
this
 suggestion can be potentially the most important.
To sum up
, it is readily apparent that there are many ways to discourage
people
 from using their
cars
 by providing a comfortable
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 in
a public
Remove the article
public transport
a means of public transport
a mode of public transport
show examples
transport
, convenient routes over the cities and increasing the numbers of
buses
 to make them less
crowd
Replace the word
crowded
show examples
.
Submitted by Abdu.abetayev on

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task achievement
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical organization of ideas by using appropriate linking words and phrases.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using more academic and precise terms.
grammatical range
Pay more attention to your sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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