IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #changes #place #west #park #school #construction #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The area at West
Park
Use synonyms
 Secondary
Use synonyms
school
Capitalize word
School
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 has changed considerably since its arrangements in 1950, with the addition of
new
Correct article usage
a new
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school
Use synonyms
 block and car
park
Use synonyms
. It is readily apparent that a major part of the place in 2010
is become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 occupied by
car
Correct article usage
a car
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park
Use synonyms
 which replaced
sports
Correct article usage
the sports
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 field and playground,
while
Linking Words
main
Change the article
the main
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 road remains the same. The West
Park
Use synonyms
 Secondary
Use synonyms
school
Capitalize word
School
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 place in 1950 consists of three houses and farmland on the left, and
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
a school
show examples
 and playground on the right side with a similar proportion in terms of space. The main road is placed in the front of the
school
Use synonyms
 and remains unchanged. The area
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
changed significantly in 1980 by adding a science block near the
school
Use synonyms
’s main building and parking lot
instead
Linking Words
 of houses. The green area
as
Rephrase
apply
show examples
known as farmland
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
sports
Correct article usage
a sports
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 field.
However
Linking Words
, the territory had a different look after three decades.
Car
Add an article
The car
show examples
park
Use synonyms
 had the biggest part of the whole space,
whereas
Linking Words
field
Correct article usage
the field
show examples
 for sports and playground
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 smaller.
Finally
Linking Words
,
science
Correct article usage
the science
show examples
 block and
Use synonyms
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
 itself remain the same.
Submitted by Abdu.abetayev on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words park, school with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • renovation
  • expansion
  • modernization
  • infrastructure
  • landscape
  • facade
  • demolition
  • construction
  • alteration
  • amenities
  • accessibility
  • sustainability
  • curriculum
  • enrollment
  • pedagogy
  • architecture
  • commute
  • heritage preservation
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