The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant You should write at least 150 words.

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

You should write at least 150 words.
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The pie charts describe the percentage of working people’s percentage of daily time allocated to various activities in a particular state, separated between the years 1958 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen the different time proportion from these two years. There was noticeably increased time spent on working, relaxing, commuting, and doing hobbies,
while
Linking Words
sacrificing sleeping and recreation times. In the year 1958, three of the most highlighted actions were working, sleeping, and outdoor relaxation.
The indoor
Correct article usage
Indoor
show examples
activity was a less favourable habit, accounting for only 8%,
while
Linking Words
outside trips and playing sports
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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accumulated to more than one-fourth of daily hours.
However
Linking Words
, there were different approaches to day allocation among individuals in the year 2008. Job activities and commuting were increased to 42% and 8% respectively,
while
Linking Words
night rest was reduced by only 25%. Home refreshment hour (13%) was more enjoyable than spending with groups or families (6%),
while
Linking Words
most people found other interests were slightly interesting.
Submitted by maukaburtubel on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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