IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Your English-speaking friend who lives in your town has asked for your advice about learning a new sport. Write an email to your friend. In your email, •recommend a new sport that would be suitable for your friend to learn •explain how your friend could learn this sport •suggest that you both learn this sport together

#friend #lives #town #advice #sport #email #•recommend #•explain #•suggest
Dear Jai, Hope you are in the best of health. I believe you enjoy the beauty and culture of our town. As you asked me to suggest a new sport which you can easily learn in our locality, I am writing about the various games that are famous in our area and suggesting one particular physical activity.
Firstly
, our residential area is popular for sports as a number of events are organized every month. There are separate stadiums for soccer, badminton courts and swimming pools.
According to
 me, you will learn cricket because it is a very interesting game which you enjoy the most.
Besides
, it is a good way to do exercise and make our body in perfect shape.
Moreover
, you can join the youth sports academy which is totally free and provides training to play new recreational activity.
In addition
 to that, you can select your own schedule as you studied in a college so it is good for you to pick a slot in the evening.
Furthermore
, it is easy for you to meet new players and you can participate in local sports events once you get trained in how to play cricket. Especially, you will be happy to hear that I am
also
 willing to learn
this
 sport as I really enjoy watching it on television.
Therefore
, I feel we will start practising
this
 game from next Monday. I am waiting for your response. Best regards, LS
Submitted by tajinder.panag on

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coherence cohesion
The logic and sequence of ideas need improvement. The introduction and conclusion are somewhat present but lack clarity and focus. The main points are not fully supported with relevant details and examples.
task achievement
The response addresses the task to some extent and includes some relevant ideas. However, the response lacks depth and clarity in conveying the ideas effectively. More specific examples and clearer explanations are needed to improve the response.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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