IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

It is clear that the number of males who prefer to have scientific education is much higher in comparison with the females who choose similar study. There are two main reasons of dominating man on this field and two appropriate decisions which eliminate this gap between boys and girls

#males #education #comparison #females #study #two #man #field #decisions #gap #boys #girls
It is clear that
 the number of males who prefer to have
scientific
Correct article usage
a scientific
show examples
 education is much higher in comparison with the females who choose similar
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
. There are two main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 dominating
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 field and two appropriate decisions which eliminate
this
 gap between boys and
girls
.
Firstly
, society in many countries
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
girls
 to choose
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 traditional way of life to be the best wife and mother rather than to build a career.
In other words
, the easiest and
more
Rephrase
most
show examples
 predictable way of life for
girls
 doesn’t belong to the scientific world. On top of that,
for example
,
just
Rephrase
apply
show examples
simple statistic says that
possibility
Correct article usage
the possibility
show examples
 for
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
women
Fix the agreement mistake
woman
show examples
 to be a successful mammy is much more realistic than to be a notable scientist.
Secondly
, there are
huge
Change the article
a huge
the huge
show examples
 number of stereotypes about females’ inability to the precise subjects as math or physics.
Therefore
, pavement to the research career is much harder for
girls
 than for boys.
Due to
 all
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
reasons
Add a comma
reasons,
show examples
 majority of women reject any opportunity to
study
 science. There are two main solutions
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 issue. First of all, families don’t need to support the idea that science is only for males. Obviously, if a girl shows interest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 some
scrutinize
Wrong verb form
scrutinised
show examples
 activity it must be stimulated by
parents
Correct pronoun usage
her parents
show examples
 and school.
Secondly
, the tradition
to make
Change preposition
of making
show examples
 gender presents
likewise
 dolls for
girls
 and chemistry for boys must be eliminated. Clearly,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
all of us have
came
Change the form of the verb
come
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childhood and the parenting determines future of people.
Consequently
, the
study
 changes will bring
girls
 to
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
consciousness
Replace the word
conscious
show examples
 choice of profession and the scientific job can be represented among them widely.
To sum up
, stereotypes and traditional parenting based on the
famer
Correct your spelling
former
 human experience block the opportunities for
girls
 to be scientists.
That
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
 reasons can
be overcame
Change the verb form
be overcome
show examples
 by
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
study
 and correct relation to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 professions.
Submitted by tarasovnn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: