IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

In many countries, traditional food is replaced by international fast food. This has adverse effect families, individuals and society. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #food #effect #families #individuals #society
In different places of the world , Local foods are less patronized compared to foreign fast
food
.
This
 has really affected persons and communities at large. In my opinion, I agree that National foods are less
sort
Correct your spelling
sought
show examples
 after compared to Foreign fast
food
. To start with, The prices of Locally made dishes, are cheaper than international fast
food
 .
Low income
Add a hyphen
Low-income
show examples
 workers prefer to make their dishes at home by using the available spices and ingredients. It's important to note that, by doing
this
 the
low income
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
 worker is saving a big junk of
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
money . The quality of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
national
made
Verb problem
apply
show examples
food
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is always complete in nutrients which tends to
benefits
Change the verb
benefit
show examples
 the body more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Foreign fast
food
 which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 usually health risky and made of
junks
Fix the agreement mistake
junk
show examples
 which can be very delirious to human health. In conclusion
Submitted by chikashabetty on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
The essay provides a clear opinion on the given statement and attempts to support it with reasons. However, there is room for improvement in terms of providing more specific examples to reinforce the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally well-developed. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more clearly defined to provide a stronger framework for the essay.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and appropriate word choice. However, there are instances where more precise and varied vocabulary could enhance the clarity and impact of the arguments.
Grammatical Range
The essay shows a good command of grammar with mainly accurate and varied sentence structures. However, there are a few instances of grammatical errors that can be easily corrected with careful proofreading.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: