New household appliances have resulted in more free time for women and has enabled them to both work and run a home with dependent children. What are the advantages for a family when the mother works? Do you think the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?
With the advent of technology, modern
home
gadgets have entitled women to perform jobs
while
simultaneously taking care of their offsprings
in Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
time
. Although
a working mother can bring extra cash to the home
, I opine that there are more demerits linked to the above-stated notion than merits. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I will discuss it in detail with suitable examples.
To begin
with, womens
are exceptionally good at Correct your spelling
women
time
management, making them the perfect candidates for various jobs
. The fact that going for jobs
help
them step outside their Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
home
and additionally
helps them to attain financial stability for their home
. For instance
, the families where a mother is working live more luxuriously when compared to non-working ones.
On the other hand
, a woman is the backbone of any family. Still, a major chunk of their time
is invested in their jobs
making them unavailable in their hours of need. They play an immense role in the upbringing of their children by not only instilling good manners into their kids but also
by preparing them to face the challenges of life. To illustrate, children of working mothers especially tend to create worse outcomes in their lives academically as well as
economically, plus do not hold any family values.
To sum up
, however
, the introduction of modern house gadgets has empowered women to work and take care of their young ones at the same time
and it will further
promote housewives to do jobs
. It's the mother's responsibility to choose between her family's future or money and I believe that in any scenario family comes first.Submitted by mrigankingley2099 on
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coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, your essay appears to be generally logical but lacks a strong clear, consistent progression of ideas. Make sure to structure your essay in a way that each paragraph flows naturally to the next, and use cohesive devices appropriately.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be more effectively developed. The introduction should clearly state your position and outline the points you will discuss, while the conclusion should succinctly summarize your arguments and restate your position.
coherence cohesion
While you have attempted to support your main points, the support could be strengthened with more detailed examples and clearer explanations that are directly relevant to the question.
task achievement
You have addressed the task, but your response is incomplete, as you haven't fully explored the advantages of a working mother, focusing predominantly on the disadvantages. Be sure to address all parts of the prompt in a balanced manner.
task achievement
Your ideas are somewhat clear, yet the response is not comprehensive enough and would benefit from a broader range of ideas about the advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
Specific examples should be used to illustrate your points more effectively, but ensure they are directly relevant to the topic and support your argument.