IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Although
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such
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 topics, in all likelihood, never yield a consensual agreement, a constructive dialogue
on
Change preposition
between
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 directors and managers of organizations
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
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 often older
people
Use synonyms
 can lead to a thought-provoking discussion. My view is that irrespective of the numerous arguments that exist on either side, some
people
Use synonyms
 say that it is better for younger
people
Use synonyms
 to be
leaders
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. Through the course of
this
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 essay, I shall put forth my points and
calculation
Fix the agreement mistake
calculations
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 by considering both sides of the argument. To commence with, there are several arguments in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
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 of my viewpoint.
Firstly
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 say that it is better for younger
people
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 to be
leaders
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 in many
organigations
Correct your spelling
organizations
organisations
 around us.
This
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 is because some
people
Use synonyms
 say that it is better for younger
people
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 to be
leaders
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 for the efficient operation of the organization
as well as
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 in every part of the world.
For example
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, about 69% of directors and managers of organizations are often older
people
Use synonyms
 in Asia and Europe. In conclusion, the aforementioned discussion constructively justifies my stance. Another interesting fact is that some
people
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 say that it is better for younger
people
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 to be
leaders
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.
This
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 is mainly
due to
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 the fact that
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 of
younger
Add an article
the younger
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 generation is growing day by day and they are
cuntributing
Correct your spelling
contributing
 efficiently. To quote an example, the research conducted by the
department
Capitalize word
Department
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 of the American
society
Capitalize word
Society
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also
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 reflects on
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
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 line and
hence
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, it is evident that the proposition is convincingly justified.
To conclude
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, in my opinion, the government of Australia is taking a great initiative in educating its
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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 against the negative impact of the statement that directors and managers of organizations are often older
people
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. Citizens are being encouraged to follow the applicable laws
as well as
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 rules and regulations to promote prosperity, productivity, efficiency and a positive environment.

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task response
Ensure you address the prompt directly and provide a clear opinion on the topic. Develop your arguments in a focused and well-structured manner.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear overall structure and the points are not effectively connected. Work on organizing the ideas into paragraphs and use cohesive devices to link the ideas.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more precise and varied expressions to convey your ideas. Avoid repetitive language and explore different synonyms and expressions.
grammatical range
Review the use of complex sentence structures and pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and word choice to enhance the grammatical range and accuracy of your writing.
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