Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #tv #video #games #think #activities #child’s #health

These

days’

Correct your spelling

days

show examples

children spend a

lot

of time watching TV and playing

video

games

So some

Rephrase

Some

show examples

people think that these

activities

are beneficial for

child's

Correct article usage

a child's

show examples

mental health,

while

others believe that these

activities

are not useful and may destroy their mental health.

This

essay will discuss both sides and will draw my personal conclusion. On one hand, TVs and

video

games

are the most effective sources for children.

However

, a

lot

of parents may think that these

activities

comes

Change the verb form

come

show examples

with

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

negative impacts

such

as time-wasting, bad attitudes and destructions.

For example

, when you give the child all the opportunities to watch every channel on TV or all the

video

games

that are not for kids which contain a

lot

of blood and bad words that may be harmful to kid's mental health.

On the other hand

, a

lot

of families think that these

activities

are good for their kids,

due to

the fact that they will have more knowledge and

having

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

fun at the same time. To illustrate, when you want to teach your child the alphabet, they will not be focused enough.

However

, when you let them watch it as

Remove the article

apply

show examples

entertainment they will have fun and they will understand.

For instance

, when you

want

Add the particle

want to

show examples

teach your kid every day he/she will get bored and will stop listening and focusing regarding lake of fun

activities

so when you manage a schedule to make

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

free time for entertainment

such

as watching

TVs

Fix the agreement mistake

show examples

or playing

video

games

they will be happier and the ideas will come through their minds. In conclusion, after a careful analysis of both

point

Fix the agreement mistake

points

show examples

Change preposition

of views

show examples

views

Fix the agreement mistake

view

show examples

, I personally agree because I believe that TVs and

video

games

are crucial

due to

the fact that children are easily

to distract

Change the verb form

distracted

show examples

However

Add a comma

However,

show examples

we need as parents to be aware of what TV shows they are watching and what

video

games

they are playing.

Submitted by elshamrifawaz on Wed Nov 08 2023

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Task Achievement

Make sure to address all parts of the question and provide balanced arguments for both sides of the issue.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the development of ideas could be more structured.

Lexical Resource

Vary the vocabulary and use more precise and appropriate word choices to enhance the expression of ideas.

Grammatical Range

Focus on using a wider range of sentence structures and pay attention to subject-verb agreement and word choice.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

315 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

cognitive development
exposure to violence
addiction
reduced physical activity
hand-eye coordination
strategic thinking
multitasking skills
moderation
parental guidance
balanced approach
screen time
social interaction
sense of community
social skills
social isolation
alternative activities
outdoor activities
family interaction
mental health issues
educational programs
problem-solving games

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Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Wild animals have no use in the 21 century and trying to preserve animals now is just wastage of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree with question

To many countries, people decide to have a child at a later age. Why is this? Do the advantages of this devlopment outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The best way to reduce emissions from vehicles is to impose a higer tax on vehicles which use a lot of fuel and lower tax on those that don't. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The increasing availability of low-cost airlines now lets people travel around the world. Some feel this is a positive development while others think it is negative overall.