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Band 5.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
In recent times, different
companies
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are
Wrong verb form
have been
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 using advertisements in a way to make their
products
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 more attractive. Some
people
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 argue that it has many negative effects on the mass
people
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,
while
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 I
strong
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strongly
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 believe that it's a positive development in terms of multiple options and
features
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.
Body paragraph 1
Actually, the way our world is progressing by leaps and bounds, in
turn
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turn,
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 makes the business arena more competitive. That's why, for a specific product, lots of
companies
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 are competing to survive in the market.
For example
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,
apple
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Apple
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 and Samsung are producing their smartphones with better
features
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in
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apply
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every year. If they fail to upgrade those
products
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, they will lose their consumers because many other
companies
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 are
also
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 waiting to occupy those places.
Consequently
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,
companies
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 are interested in advertising their
products
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 in innovative ways, so that it attracts
people
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 to buy their
products
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.
Body paragraph 2
Because of these competitions,
people
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 benefit in many ways. Previously, it was difficult to buy something because of a lack of options.
However
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, now it is possible to get the accessories
according to
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 the requirements of
people
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.
For example
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, Xiaomi is very popular in Bangladesh, and in their advertisements, they are targeting those
people
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 who are living in mid-range income salaries. They provide more
features
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 and amenities compared to the expensive brand
products
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 at a cheap
price
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.
Moreover
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, because of the competition,
companies
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 are upgrading their
features
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 with a lowered
price
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, which makes
people
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 able to afford the
products
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 nowadays.
For example
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, in 2015, the average smartphone
price
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 was around 25 thousand, but today 6-8 thousand is enough to buy a smartphone.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, I think advertising strategies by businesses are a positive outcome for all sectors of
people
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 because it helps to get a product with a lowered
price
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 with more advanced
features
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 and competition between the
companies
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 makes them think differently in advertisement purposes.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction presents a clear thesis statement and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
lexical resource
Provide a wider range of vocabulary and use more specific and precise language to enhance the essay.
grammatical range
Work on using a variety of complex sentence structures and pay attention to subject-verb agreement and tense consistency.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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