IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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In recent times, different
companies
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are
Wrong verb form
have been
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 using advertisements in a way to make their
products
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 more attractive. Some
people
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 argue that it has many negative effects on the mass
people
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,
while
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 I
strong
Change the word
strongly
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 believe that it's a positive development in terms of multiple options and
features
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. Actually, the way our world is progressing by leaps and bounds, in
turn
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turn,
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 makes the business arena more competitive. That's why, for a specific product, lots of
companies
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 are competing to survive in the market.
For example
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,
apple
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Apple
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 and Samsung are producing their smartphones with better
features
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in
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apply
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every year. If they fail to upgrade those
products
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, they will lose their consumers because many other
companies
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 are
also
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 waiting to occupy those places.
Consequently
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,
companies
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 are interested in advertising their
products
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 in innovative ways, so that it attracts
people
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 to buy their
products
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. Because of these competitions,
people
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 benefit in many ways. Previously, it was difficult to buy something because of a lack of options.
However
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, now it is possible to get the accessories
according to
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 the requirements of
people
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.
For example
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, Xiaomi is very popular in Bangladesh, and in their advertisements, they are targeting those
people
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 who are living in mid-range income salaries. They provide more
features
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 and amenities compared to the expensive brand
products
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 at a cheap
price
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.
Moreover
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, because of the competition,
companies
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 are upgrading their
features
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 with a lowered
price
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, which makes
people
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 able to afford the
products
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 nowadays.
For example
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, in 2015, the average smartphone
price
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 was around 25 thousand, but today 6-8 thousand is enough to buy a smartphone.
To sum up
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, I think advertising strategies by businesses are a positive outcome for all sectors of
people
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 because it helps to get a product with a lowered
price
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 with more advanced
features
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 and competition between the
companies
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 makes them think differently in advertisement purposes.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction presents a clear thesis statement and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
lexical resource
Provide a wider range of vocabulary and use more specific and precise language to enhance the essay.
grammatical range
Work on using a variety of complex sentence structures and pay attention to subject-verb agreement and tense consistency.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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