IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

some think schools should rewards students who have the best academic results, while others think it's more important to reward students who achieve other types of success(such as sports, music). Discuss both views and give your opinion

#think #schools #rewards #students #results #reward #success #sports #music
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Some people believe that students with high academic achievements should be awarded by schools,
while
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 others argue that schools should reward those who
achieved
Wrong verb form
achieve
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 in other kinds of competition,
for example
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, in sports. I gravitate to those who think that academic success is more essential
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 than related to physical activity.
nevertheless
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, both views will be elaborated on here. On the one hand, students who have better academic results can become more leading specialists than other individuals.
In other words
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, they are more motivated and can be experts in their future
field
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fields
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.
For instance
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, if
student
Add an article
a student
the student
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 who
showed
Wrong verb form
shows
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 better academic
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
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 than
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 is awarded by getting
easier
Add an article
the easier
an easier
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 process to
applying
Wrong verb form
apply
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in
Change preposition
for
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further
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 education, it will lead to an
improvent
Correct your spelling
improvement
 of
society
Change noun form
society's
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 intellectual achievements nationally.
On the other hand
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, students who achieve rewards based on
other type
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another type
other types
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 of success should be
also
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 encouraged. To illustrate, a child who has a desire to develop in his favourite type of sport,
while
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also
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get
Wrong verb form
getting
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 support from his relatives and school, will become more successful than without it.
To sum up
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, both types of awards in
defferent
Correct your spelling
different
 field of
achievements
Fix the agreement mistake
achievement
show examples
 is essential,
however
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,
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
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 one still will be more useful.
Submitted by wsvllnl on

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task response
The essay fully addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion on the topic. However, there is room for improvement in the development of ideas and examples to support the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the logical structure of ideas within paragraphs and the connection between ideas across the essay can be further improved for a more cohesive and coherent presentation.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary and language use. However, for a higher score, the use of more nuanced vocabulary and idiomatic expressions is recommended.
grammatical range
The essay exhibits a reasonable level of grammatical control, with some errors in sentence structure and verb tense usage. Paying closer attention to sentence structure and verb tense consistency will enhance the grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic results
  • intellectual achievements
  • motivates
  • high grades
  • intellectual pursuits
  • sports achievements
  • music achievements
  • well-rounded development
  • self-confidence
  • inclusivity
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