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some think schools should rewards students who have the best academic results, while others think it's more important to reward students who achieve other types of success(such as sports, music). Discuss both views and give your opinion

#think #schools #rewards #students #results #reward #success #sports #music
Some people believe that students with high academic achievements should be awarded by schools,
while
 others argue that schools should reward those who
achieved
Wrong verb form
achieve
show examples
 in other kinds of competition,
for example
, in sports. I gravitate to those who think that academic success is more essential
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 than related to physical activity.
nevertheless
, both views will be elaborated on here. On the one hand, students who have better academic results can become more leading specialists than other individuals.
In other words
, they are more motivated and can be experts in their future
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
.
For instance
, if
student
Add an article
a student
the student
show examples
 who
showed
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 better academic
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 than
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 is awarded by getting
easier
Add an article
the easier
an easier
show examples
 process to
applying
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
further
 education, it will lead to an
improvent
Correct your spelling
improvement
 of
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 intellectual achievements nationally.
On the other hand
, students who achieve rewards based on
other type
Change the wording
another type
other types
show examples
 of success should be
also
 encouraged. To illustrate, a child who has a desire to develop in his favourite type of sport,
while
also
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 support from his relatives and school, will become more successful than without it.
To sum up
, both types of awards in
defferent
Correct your spelling
different
 field of
achievements
Fix the agreement mistake
achievement
show examples
 is essential,
however
,
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
show examples
 one still will be more useful.
Submitted by wsvllnl on

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task response
The essay fully addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion on the topic. However, there is room for improvement in the development of ideas and examples to support the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the logical structure of ideas within paragraphs and the connection between ideas across the essay can be further improved for a more cohesive and coherent presentation.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary and language use. However, for a higher score, the use of more nuanced vocabulary and idiomatic expressions is recommended.
grammatical range
The essay exhibits a reasonable level of grammatical control, with some errors in sentence structure and verb tense usage. Paying closer attention to sentence structure and verb tense consistency will enhance the grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic results
  • intellectual achievements
  • motivates
  • high grades
  • intellectual pursuits
  • sports achievements
  • music achievements
  • well-rounded development
  • self-confidence
  • inclusivity
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