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Writing Samples
Band 6

In conclusion, although some people work only for money, others can work for various reasons related to satisfaction /self- respect and psychology.

#conclusion #people #work #money #satisfaction #self- #respect #psychology
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These days, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
money
Use synonyms
 is their motivation to be diligent at
work
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. I partly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view, and I will enumerate my
reasons
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 below.
To begin
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 with, obviously, most
people
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work
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 to make
money
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 for
reasons
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 related to the quality of life. To be specific, financial problems are practically the most significant matter in reality since it is concerned with livelihood. Without
money
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,
people
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 cannot do basic things which are essential to living
such
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 as residing in a better accommodation and feasting on scrumptious foods.
Furthermore
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, it would be hard to not only enjoy the relaxed leisure time but
also
Linking Words
 have amusing hobbies provided that someone lives just at a subsistence level.
Therefore
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,
people
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work
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 diligently to improve their living conditions. In spite of the
reasons
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 mentioned above, I endorse the idea that
people
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work
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 for other grounds. For one thing,
people
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 can achieve self-esteem by doing their desired
work
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This
Linking Words
 is because most jobs need a vocation, which makes workers offer services for special goals.
For example
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, doctors and teachers are the jobs that call for
strong
Add an article
a strong
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purpose
Change the noun form
purposes
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,
such
Linking Words
 as saving patients and leading/ educating children, since if they are deficient in it, they cannot appropriately
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their jobs. Another reason in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 view is that working industriously makes workers mentally healthy. Generally,
people
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 interact with others in the workplace. The more they socialize, the better relationships they have with their colleagues, which makes
people
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 not secluded.
As a result
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, it is beneficial for their mental state. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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work
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 only for
money
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, others can
work
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 for various
reasons
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 related to
self- respect
Correct your spelling
self-respect
show examples
 and psychology.
Submitted by moonmond15 on

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task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points and explore the topic in more detail.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that there is a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied and precise language to enhance the quality of your writing.
grammatical range
Work on using a wider range of grammatical structures and sentence types for a more varied and sophisticated writing style.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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