IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some workplaces do not ensure the safety of workers who use dangerous equipment rather they would prefer paying liabilities instead. How far fo you agree?

#workplaces #safety #workers #equipment #liabilities #fo
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The notion that an employer has a general disregard for their employee's safety is
unbased
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unbiased
 and unproductive. It glosses over the fact that some industries and workplaces inherently own a high amount of
risks
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 that cannot be
canceled
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cancelled
show examples
 out or reduced to a high degree. Rather than playing the blame game, it helps to see it from two standpoints which are the point of view
from
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of
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 employers who are able to put safeguards in place as well
ones
Correct word choice
as ones
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 who
mitigates
Correct subject-verb agreement
mitigate
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 risk through insurance and
what not
Correct your spelling
whatnot
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. It takes a great amount of time, money, and
resources
Use synonyms
 for
corporations
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 to be able to establish a smooth-running wheel when it comes to running an operation involving dangerous
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machinery
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machineries
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machinery
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. Before a company is even able to invest the amount of
resources
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 to put these safeguards in place,
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 would first need to identify the hazardous items and situations that are likely to impose
risks
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 to its employees. Huge
corporations
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 with an abundance of
resources
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 and are financially well-off have the capacity to go through these cycles of risk management, and
therefore
Linking Words
 are able to exert everything in their power to ensure a safe workplace for
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 employees, and even sometimes
also
Linking Words
 provide protection to their extended family.
However
Linking Words
, the same cannot be said for
corporations
Use synonyms
 that
does
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do
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 not have as much disposable income as companies that are market leaders. They are usually
ones
Correct article usage
the ones
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 trying to make their mark within the industry
,
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apply
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 and are
therefore
Linking Words
 forced to skimp on certain procedures that unfortunately
creates
Correct subject-verb agreement
create
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 little issues along the way which would
then
Linking Words
 snowplow into giant mountains of
risks
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 that have gone undetected for too long. For these
type
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types
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 of
corporations
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, they simply do not have a choice other than to take
risks
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 and face the consequences later, where in
this
Linking Words
 case the consequence likely leads to
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 liable for employee-related incidents. In an ideal world, every employer must want the best for its industry, performance,
as well as
Linking Words
 its employee well-being.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it's not
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 question of whether only some employer has well-meaning intention, whilst some other may not. Rather, it is a question
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 how mature a certain corporation is and what
do they
Verb problem
it
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prioritize
Correct subject-verb agreement
prioritizes
show examples
 at that point in time.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in my opinion,
instead
Linking Words
 of looking into
individual
Add an article
an individual
the individual
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corporation
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corporations
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 and its action, we should move our focus to
Correct article usage
the goverment
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goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 and how they should regulate workplace safety, so that regardless of maturity and
resources
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 - companies would be made aware and forced to reckon with the fact that they need to adhere
a certain safety standards
Correct the article-noun agreement
certain safety standards
a certain safety standard
show examples
 to maintain the well-being of their employees.
Submitted by sarahlumbanraja on

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task response
The response addresses the task but lacks depth and thorough analysis. More specific examples and detailed arguments are needed to fully address the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and the main points are generally well-supported. However, the logical structure could be improved to enhance coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses complex sentence structures. However, there are instances of repetition and some lack of precision in word choice.
grammatical range
There is a good variety of sentence structures and the essay generally exhibits control of grammatical structures. However, more attention to sentence clarity and accuracy is needed to avoid errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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