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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.
The pie chart displays the information about average percentages
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 normal meals which contains
Sodium
Use synonyms
 Saturated fat, and added
sugar
Use synonyms
 which could be cause for unhealthy at high amount of intake. Calibration of meals done in percentage. Looking from
Linking Words
overall
Add an article
an overall
the overall
show examples
 perspective, it is readily
appearent
Correct your spelling
apparent
 that the contribution of dinner in saturated fat
Add a missing verb
is
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accountable for
large
Add an article
a large
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 portion. The added
sugar
Use synonyms
 subscription of snacks
are
Change the verb form
is
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 close to just beneath the half.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Use synonyms
sodium
Add an article
the sodium
show examples
 content of lunch is 29% of the total.
Further
Linking Words
,
considerable
Correct article usage
a considerable
show examples
 portion, just more than
one
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
forth
Correct your spelling
fourth
show examples
 of responsible
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 saturated fat in lunch. The added
sugar
Use synonyms
 amount of snacks is 42% when compared to other meals. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
breakfast,
sodium
Use synonyms
 added
sugar
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat amounts behave
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
similar
Change the word
similarly
show examples
 to each other. The breakfast contributes 14% in
Sodium
Use synonyms
 and 16% in Saturated fat. The lunch accounts for 29%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Sodium
Use synonyms
, 26%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 Saturated fat, and 19%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 added
sugar
Use synonyms
 sequentially.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
added
Correct word choice
though added
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 volume is high in snacks,
Sodium
Use synonyms
 and Saturated fat contain 14% and 21% respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, sugar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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