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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart shows the expectation to change of European young people in the next 20 years in 5 different areas. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the expectation to change of European young people in the next 20 years in 5 different areas. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #expectation #change #european #people #years #areas #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The graphic illustrates the change
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 various life support sectors
according to
Linking Words
 young
european
Change the capitalization
European
Europeans
show examples
 in the two decades. The analysed areas are health, air
quality
Use synonyms
, water
quality
Use synonyms
, food
quality
Use synonyms
, and people communication. The unit is measured by percentage. The general trends for rather
fluctuative
Correct your spelling
fluctuate
 between the five trends over the years.
According to
Linking Words
 the bar chart, the amount of air
quality
Use synonyms
 is the least to improve. With
only
Rephrase
apply
show examples
less than
approximate
Correct article usage
an approximate
show examples
 22% chance of being improved.The second least area which was likely to have a growth was the health and the water
quality
Use synonyms
 sectors, with
probability
Add an article
a probability
the probability
show examples
 of 40%
improving
Replace the word
improvement
show examples
 and
60
Correct article usage
a 60
show examples
% contrast of
declining
Replace the word
decline
show examples
 over the years.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to most of the segments
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 were declining, food
quality
Use synonyms
 and people communication reached
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 peak
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 around 45% and 63%
sequentially
Rephrase
respectively
show examples
. Following
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
, these two areas are the only few areas which were likely to be improved in the next 20 years between the five sectors
according to
Linking Words
 the
european
Change the capitalization
European
show examples
 youngster. The
Submitted by nabilarasya35 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words quality with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "change" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "improve" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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