In some countries, health care and education are partially funded by the government. Some people argue that the government should be responsible for covering the full cost of these services. Do you support or oppose the opinion ? explain your position?

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The
government
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spend the
health
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care
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and education of their society in some nations. Even though others argue that
this
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should be handled by the authority totally. I disagree with that statement and am more concerned that both community and the
government
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should share the expenditure together on the grounds that the authority
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
another aspect to be built and to give
people
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more responsibility for their own well-being The one main reason is that the
government
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have other aspects to develop
such
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as the economy and transportation. These areas beside essential in terms of supporting
health
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care
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and education
as well as
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the problems that have to be a priority.
As a result
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, the
government
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must allocate the budget to
this
Linking Words
sector. From another perspective, it can be said that development should be done in all of human life not only focusing on one or two aspects in order to make them more balanced.
For example
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,
due to
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the Indonesian
government
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just focusing on
health
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care
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in eradicating stunting in East Nusa Tenggara Province, the economic sector and many public transportation became new issues that caused of economic downturn. Another reason is that Individuals should be responsible for caring for their
health
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. Being spend 30 % of their money on insurance for their
health
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.
People
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have been involved in keeping their
health
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.
For example
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, in terms of increasing the level of
health
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among poor
people
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in Indonesia, society is asked to pay 1/3 form the total cost that they have to spend on
health
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care
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.
As a result
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Add a comma
,
show examples
people
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are more caring and have a responsibility for their
health
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. In conclusion, I argue that society and the rule maker can work together in terms of spending the insurance for
health
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care
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and education tuition because the
government
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is concerned about another sector to be developed and it will give
people
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responsibility for their own well-being.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Develop the ideas more fully, and provide clearer examples to support your points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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