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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Eating too much sugar is harmful to health. Some people think it is the government’s responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#sugar #health #people #government’s #responsibility #limit #people’s #consumption #individual’s #amount
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Excessive
sugar
consumption
 poses a significant threat to public
health
, giving rise to debates regarding who bears the
responsibility
 for its regulation. Some argue that the
government
 should take charge,
while
 others contend that individuals should exercise personal
responsibility
. In my opinion, it is imperative that both authorities and citizens collaborate to combat
this
 issue effectively. Advocates for
government
 intervention assert that public
health
 is a matter of national concern. The state possesses the tools to monitor and control
sugar
 intake comprehensively.
For instance
, by utilizing
consumption
 data, the
government
 can institute targeted taxation measures to curb excessive
sugar
consumption
.
Furthermore
, public awareness campaigns and community engagement initiatives can be effective tools to drive home the message of responsible
sugar
consumption
.
Therefore
,
government
 intervention is pivotal in maintaining
sugar
 intake at safe levels.
On the other hand
, individual
responsibility
 for
health
 is equally essential. Through conscious choices and adherence to a balanced lifestyle, people can significantly reduce the risk of
health
 issues associated with excessive
sugar
consumption
. Regular physical exercise and the avoidance of sugary foods are practical steps that individuals can take to safeguard their well-being.
While
 the
government
 can enforce regulations, it is the
responsibility
 of each person to follow these guidelines. In conclusion, it is evident that both the
government
 and the public should play pivotal roles in promoting a healthier society. The
government
 can establish regulations and create awareness, but individuals must actively participate by making informed choices for their well-being. A collaborative effort between the state and its citizens is the most effective strategy to combat the adverse effects of excessive
sugar
consumption
 and promote better
health
.
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task response
You have covered all parts of the prompt with a clear position. Well done!
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure is well-organized, and the introduction and conclusion are clear and effective.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary and phrases is diverse and appropriate to the topic. Good use of cohesive devices enhances coherence.
grammatical range
There is a wide range of complex structures used accurately. Overall, your grammar is very strong.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • harmful
  • government intervention
  • policies and regulations
  • public health
  • individual responsibility
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • freedom of choice
  • balanced approach
  • food industry
  • sugar content
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • health problems
  • taxation
  • advertising restrictions
  • labeling requirements
  • reading food labels
  • natural sweeteners
  • cooking at home
  • moderation
  • balanced diets
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