Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

Some people argue that playing online can be necessary to enjoy a funny moment and

also

Linking Words

for learning new things.

While

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others think that

this

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practice is useless and can have consequences on the brain. I believe that video

games

Use synonyms

are dangerous and that there are other ways to learn and laugh. On the one hand, a certain proportion of the population thinks that video

games

Use synonyms

are useful and fun. I understand

this

Linking Words

point of view because I used to play with my cousins when I was young. It can provide happiness

due to

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the fact that when someone plays, they can feel a lot of adrenaline,

all

Rephrase

especially

show examples

when it is a horror game.

For instance

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, when I was 12 years old, I played Fortnite, a battle royale game, where I was supposed to kill my opponent, and every death, I was so happy and excited.

On the other hand

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, I join people who think that we have to ban online

games

Use synonyms

. Even if sometimes users can learn new lessons and feel happy, there are , in reality, many other things that can make them feel good.

For example

Linking Words

, doing sports, music, or hanging out with their friends. And for educational tools, there are schools.

Moreover

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, it has been proven that

video

Fix the agreement mistake

videos

show examples

are

Verb problem

apply

show examples

have an adverse effect on the people who use them.

According to

Linking Words

a study made by the University of Toronto in Canada in 2020, online

games

Use synonyms

directly affect concentration and can reduce by 5% the mental capacity of the brain.

To conclude

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although

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this

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practice can provide happiness and can

also

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be an amusing way to learn. For me, it is so dangerous for the brain that it actually outweighs all the benefits.

santos_dij

Nov 9, 2023

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task

Be clear about your view in the first line and keep it through the essay.

content

Give more real facts or examples and show how they support your view.

coherence

Use better link words to show how ideas move from one to next.

language

Check grammar and sentence form to avoid simple mistakes.

content

The writer shows a clear view on the topic.

structure

The essay uses a two side talk with on the one hand and on the other hand.

content

There is a real life example from the writer's life.

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

286 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

cognitive skills
problem-solving
strategic thinking
multiplayer games
social skills
teamwork
communication
collaboration
interactive learning
gaming addiction
academic performance
violence desensitization
aggressive behavior
sedentary lifestyle
health issues

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Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

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