Some countries focus on health care and education benefits while other on infrastructure and employment. Which do you think would be more beneficial for the population? Give specific details and examples to support your opinion.
Some
people
argue that health
care and educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
is
the most crucial Change the verb form
are
think
in Correct your spelling
thing
people
Change noun form
people's
life
, while
others believe that great facilities and occupation
more beneficial for Add a verb
occupation are
occupation were
population
. Correct article usage
the population
whereas
I totally believe within achieve
Change preposition
that achieving
fit
body and Add an article
a fit
good
level of Add an article
a good
education
is paramount for people
Change noun form
people's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
also
it will give big improvement for people
in the future. This
essay will examine some details reasons and provide example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
which is
relate Verb problem
that
with
Change preposition
to
this
topic.
To began
with, some countries consider that better infrastructure and occupation will give some benefit for Change the form of the verb
begin
people
due to
some reasons. Firstly
, best
public facilities may help Correct article usage
the best
people
to life
easier and Replace the word
live
lack
of awareness Correct article usage
a lack
on
of which like Change preposition
apply
rebuild
better Wrong verb form
rebuilding
road
way for remote Fix the agreement mistake
roads
area
. Fix the agreement mistake
areas
For example
government
create
Wrong verb form
created
new
programme to more Add an article
a new
focus
for
rural Change preposition
on
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
included
Wrong verb form
including
provide
enough electricity for Wrong verb form
providing
their
Change the word
the
people
in remote area
. Another Fix the agreement mistake
areas
reasons
is to put more Replace the adjective
reason
focus
on employment that
may reduce the number of Correct pronoun usage
which
unemployment
Replace the word
unemployed
people
in the country. Albeit, we cannot deny that this
condition may only happen if the
society Correct article usage
apply
have
Change the verb form
has
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
life
and better knowledge.
However
, others
countries consider that Correct quantifier usage
other
Correct article usage
a health
health
body and Replace the word
healthy
best
quality of Correct article usage
the best
education
for people
Change noun form
people's
life
is the basic points but it is paramount for people
Change noun form
people's
life
for some excuse. One of which, government
have to more Add an article
the government
focus
to provide
better Change preposition
on providing
education
also
health
for their youngster. Finally
the positive Add a comma
Finally,
think
is, Correct your spelling
thing
it
may lead the Correct word choice
that it
government
to set up intellectual
and strong Correct article usage
an intellectual
population
as their best foundation to lead the country being well develop
countries in the future.
Replace the word
development
To sum up
,Add an article
the
government
have to more focus
to consider about what they
Correct your spelling
the
population
need and which one must more crucial for their people
. Both of
Change preposition
apply
education
and health
of infrastructure and employment is have
Verb problem
are
an
Correct article usage
apply
equal
important and beneficial for nations. Change the adjective
equally
However
as a basic skill from them is Add a comma
However,
health
and better knowledge it is the most important for population
without Add an article
the population
a population
Correct article usage
a health
health
body and better Replace the word
healthy
education
people
may will
not survive in Remove a modal verb
apply
this
world as a result
it will lead the country to total disintegration in the future.Submitted by musa.nuwa on
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coherence cohesion
The logical structure is weak and needs improvement. The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are not well supported.
task achievement
The response to the task is incomplete. The ideas are not fully developed and lack clarity. More specific examples and details are needed to support the argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
