Some countries focus on health care and education benefits while other on infrastructure and employment. Which do you think would be more beneficial for the population? Give specific details and examples to support your opinion.

Some
people
argue that
health
care and
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
the most crucial
think
Correct your spelling
thing
show examples
in
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
,
while
others believe that great facilities and
occupation
Add a verb
occupation are
occupation were
show examples
more beneficial for
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
.
whereas
I totally believe
within achieve
Change preposition
that achieving
show examples
fit
Add an article
a fit
show examples
body and
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
level of
education
is paramount for
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
also
it will give big improvement for
people
in the future.
This
essay will examine some details reasons and provide
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
which is
Verb problem
that
show examples
relate
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
topic. To
began
Change the form of the verb
begin
show examples
with, some countries consider that better infrastructure and occupation will give some benefit for
people
due to
some reasons.
Firstly
,
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
public facilities may help
people
to
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
easier and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of awareness
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
of which like
rebuild
Wrong verb form
rebuilding
show examples
better
road
Fix the agreement mistake
roads
show examples
way for remote
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
For example
government
create
Wrong verb form
created
show examples
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
programme to more
focus
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
included
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
enough electricity for
their
Change the word
the
show examples
people
in remote
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
. Another
reasons
Replace the adjective
reason
show examples
is to put more
focus
on employment
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
may reduce the number of
unemployment
Replace the word
unemployed
show examples
people
in the country. Albeit, we cannot deny that
this
condition may only happen if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
life
and better knowledge.
However
,
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
countries consider that
Correct article usage
a health
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
body and
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
quality of
education
for
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
is the basic points but it is paramount for
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
for some excuse. One of which,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
have to more
focus
to provide
Change preposition
on providing
show examples
better
education
also
health
for their youngster.
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
the positive
think
Correct your spelling
thing
show examples
is,
it
Correct word choice
that it
show examples
may lead the
government
to set up
intellectual
Correct article usage
an intellectual
show examples
and strong
population
as their best foundation to lead the country being well
develop
Replace the word
development
show examples
countries in the future.
To sum up
,
Add an article
the
show examples
government
have to more
focus
to consider about what
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
population
need and which one must more crucial for their
people
. Both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education
and
health
of infrastructure and employment
is have
Verb problem
are
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equal
Change the adjective
equally
show examples
important and beneficial for nations.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
as a basic skill from them is
health
and better knowledge it is the most important for
population
Add an article
the population
a population
show examples
without
Correct article usage
a health
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
body and better
education
people
may
will
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
not survive in
this
world
as a result
it will lead the country to total disintegration in the future.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The logical structure is weak and needs improvement. The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are not well supported.
task achievement
The response to the task is incomplete. The ideas are not fully developed and lack clarity. More specific examples and details are needed to support the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: