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Writing Samples
Band 5

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the among of support they received from employers.

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the among of support they received from employers.
#show #study #students #age #groups #support #employers
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The graph illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of comparison between
students
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 who take a
study
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 for
career
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 and
students
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 who
study
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 for interest and the support that they received from their employers.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
students
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 who are motivated because of careers show a significant decline from under the
age
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 of 26 to the
age
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 of 49.
While
Linking Words
 in employer
supports
Correct subject-verb agreement
support
show examples
, dominant supports are given to
students
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 under the
age
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 of 26.
Overall
Linking Words
,
students
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 who are studying because of their
career
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 experienced a downward trend,
while
Linking Words
students
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 who were studying because of interest showed an upward trend.
However
Linking Words
, employer
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 more dominantly given to the younger
age
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 and less dominantly in the middle
age
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. For
students
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 who took a
study
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 for
Use synonyms
career
Add an article
a career
show examples
, the
percentage
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 was dominantly showed by
students
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 under the
age
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 of 26 with almost 80%, between 26-29 approximately 70%, from 30-39 under 60%, between 40-49 around 40%, and below 20% over the
age
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 of 49.
In contrast
Linking Words
 with
students
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 who were taking a
study
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 for
Use synonyms
career
Add an article
a career
show examples
, the
percentage
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 of
students
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 who took for interest were dominantly showed by
students
Use synonyms
 above the
age
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 of 49 with approximately 70%, between 40-49 around 40%, from 30-39 just over 20%, between 26-29 around 15%, under the
age
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 of 26 only around 10%. Giving time off and helping with the fees,
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
show examples
 relied on
students
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 under the
age
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 of 26 with having
percentage
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 above 60%, followed by
students
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 between the
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age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 of 26 and 29, around 50%,
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 over 49 above 40%, between 40-49 almost 30%, and from 30-39 around 20%.
Submitted by hari on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, students, study, career, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 6 times.
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