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Band 6.5

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of people who consumed five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK over 8 years, which is from 2001 to 2008.

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of people who consumed five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK over 8 years, which is from 2001 to 2008.
#bar #proportion #people #five #portions #fruits #vegetables #uk #years
The Bar diagram gives
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 regarding the
proportion
 of
children
, male and female in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
,
ate
Correct pronoun usage
who ate
show examples
 five types of fruits and vegetables in a day between 2001 to 2008.
Overall
, the diagram showed a stable increasing trend
while
Add an article
the female
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 had
highest
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the highest
show examples
proportion
among
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all years. In detail, the pattern of the
proportion
 of how many agricultural products are finished by people had
remain
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remained
show examples
 a
plateum
Correct your spelling
platinum
plate
 and showed
a
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an
show examples
 increasing trend.The lowest
consumtion
Correct your spelling
consumption
 year was 2001 between 2001 to 2008.
Children
was
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were
show examples
 the lowest
proportion
. They consumed around 12.5 in 2001.
While
 men were in the second
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
 among 3 types of people. They finished around 17.5 in 2001,
while
 women ate the most fruits and vegetables. They finish around 22.5 in total. The
consumtion
Correct your spelling
consumption
 amount of
male
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males
show examples
 and
children
 hit
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2007.
Children
 increased to 26
dramactically
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 rose towards 27. The amount
fruits
Change preposition
of fruits
show examples
 and vegetables
intook
Correct your spelling
taken
 by female were the largest
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 8 years. The
proportionof
Correct your spelling
proportion
 consumed hit the peak
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2006, which achieved 35.
Although
 the number slightly dropped to 30 in 2008. It was still the highest among
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
,
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and
children
.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, children with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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