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Band 6.5

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of people who consumed five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK over 8 years, which is from 2001 to 2008.

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of people who consumed five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK over 8 years, which is from 2001 to 2008.
#bar #proportion #people #five #portions #fruits #vegetables #uk #years
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The Bar diagram gives
informations
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information
pieces of information
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 regarding the
proportion
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 of
children
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, male and female in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
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,
ate
Correct pronoun usage
who ate
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 five types of fruits and vegetables in a day between 2001 to 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, the diagram showed a stable increasing trend
while
Linking Words
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the female
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female
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females
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 had
highest
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the highest
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proportion
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among
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of
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 all years. In detail, the pattern of the
proportion
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 of how many agricultural products are finished by people had
remain
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remained
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 a
plateum
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platinum
plate
 and showed
a
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an
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 increasing trend.The lowest
consumtion
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consumption
 year was 2001 between 2001 to 2008.
Children
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was
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were
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 the lowest
proportion
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. They consumed around 12.5 in 2001.
While
Linking Words
 men were in the second
places
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place
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 among 3 types of people. They finished around 17.5 in 2001,
while
Linking Words
 women ate the most fruits and vegetables. They finish around 22.5 in total. The
consumtion
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consumption
 amount of
male
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males
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 and
children
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 hit
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak
at
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in
show examples
 2007.
Children
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 increased to 26
dramactically
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dramatically
 and
male
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males
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 rose towards 27. The amount
fruits
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of fruits
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 and vegetables
intook
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taken
 by female were the largest
among
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in
show examples
 8 years. The
proportionof
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proportion
 consumed hit the peak
at
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in
show examples
 2006, which achieved 35.
Although
Linking Words
 the number slightly dropped to 30 in 2008. It was still the highest among
male
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males
show examples
,
female
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females
show examples
 and
children
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.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, children with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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