Establishing good relationships in the workplace is not important, as the primary goal of every person is to focus on work. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#relationships #workplace #person #focus #work

It is generally claimed that employees should focus on their

job

duties

while

building relationships is not crucial.

This

essay will argue that

although

doing their

job

is extremely important, building friendships at the workplace

also

has its values. On the one hand, focusing on their

job

can get

people

to higher places within a company.

For instance

, for employees to become CEOs of companies they might need to show that they can work hard and bring some good values to the business.

Additionally

, trying to be friends with

people

can take some important time that could be used to enhance work productivity. A good illustration of

this

is the number of

people

fired because they are often caught up talking about their personal lives, and

that is

not what they come to work for.

On the other hand

, relationships are highly important for teamwork and to improve

workplace

Add an article

the workplace

show examples

For example

, surgeons deal with peoples’ lives,

therefore

, it is imperative that they do an excellent

job

However

, they do need a team to back them up

while

they are working on a patient.

That is

to say that without teamwork, some jobs would not be possible.

Thus

, the importance of building proper relationships.

Moreover

, research shows that friendships can make the workplace a better environment and increase one’s task achievement.

People

feel better when they have someone to rely on if ever

need

Correct pronoun usage

need them

show examples

. In conclusion,

to be

Change the verb form

being

show examples

focused on the

job

can bring positive aspects to

people

’s careers.

However

, I do believe that they should

also

be allowed to make friends and forge social connections for a more positive outcome.

Submitted by leandro-vs- on Fri Nov 10 2023

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Task Achievement

Ensure that you directly address all parts of the essay prompt and provide clear and detailed examples to support your arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay has a clear logical structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion. Work on logically connecting your supporting points and ensure that your examples directly support your arguments.

Lexical Resource

Your use of vocabulary is fairly good, but try to incorporate more diverse and precise vocabulary to express your ideas. Additionally, ensure that your word choices are appropriate in the given context.

Grammatical Range

Your use of grammar is generally accurate, but some sentence structures could be more varied and complex. Additionally, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of articles and prepositions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

270 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Establishing good relationships in the workplace is not important, as the primary goal of every person is to focus on work. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

Plastic bags,bottles and plastic packaging are bad for the environment. What damage does plastic do to the environment? What can be done by government and individuals to solve this problem?

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Many organization and companies ask their staff to wear a uniform. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? What kind of jobs should have a work uniform?