Establishing good relationships in the workplace is not important, as the primary goal of every person is to focus on work. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#relationships #workplace #person #focus #work

Society is becoming busier and busier every day. It is generally claimed that employees should focus on their job duties

while

building

relationships

is not crucial.

This

essay will argue that

although

workers should be focused on their

task

Fix the agreement mistake

tasks

show examples

, it is

also

imperative to build friendships at the workplace. On the one hand, to be able to succeed and improve within a company, it is important to show hard work.

For instance

, for employees to become CEOs of companies they might need to show that they can work hard and bring some good values to the business.

This

due to

the high competition in markets.

Additionally

, companies offer

bonus

Fix the agreement mistake

bonuses

show examples

to those who show productivity, decreasing one’s time to interact with colleagues.

On the other hand

relationships

are highly important for teamwork and to improve the workplace.

For example

, surgeons deal with people’s lives.

Therefore

, it is imperative that they do an excellent job.

However

, without the help of a team, they would not be able to perform at their best.

That is

to say that without teamwork, some jobs would not be possible. So, the importance of building proper

relationships

Moreover

, research shows that friendships can make the workplace a better environment and increase one’s task achievement. People feel better when they have someone to rely on if ever needed. In conclusion, being driven by work can be excellent for a successful career.

However

, in my opinion, it would be better for the individual and for the company if

relationships

are

Wrong verb form

were

show examples

built.

Submitted by leandro-vs- on Fri Nov 10 2023

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Task Response

Your essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt, presenting a balanced argument and relevant examples. You've addressed the task requirements effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay displays a logical structure with a well-developed introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Your ideas are presented in a clear and organized manner.

Lexical Resource

Your use of vocabulary is appropriate and varied, contributing to the clarity and precision of your presentation. Consider incorporating more academic and specific vocabulary to enhance your argument.

Grammatical Range

Your essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and sentence structure. However, there are a few instances of repetitive or non-idiomatic phrasing. Work on incorporating complex sentence structures and refining your language use to achieve a higher score in this criterion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

253 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Establishing good relationships in the workplace is not important, as the primary goal of every person is to focus on work. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In modern era, it is easy to sell, buy and work with other people through internet. But others against it. Do you think this is positive trend or negative trend.

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or not agree?

Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging environment. What can government do to address these problems? What can individual people do?

For centuries, important parts of education have remained such as reading, writing and maths. With the advent of computers, some people think that computer skill to be made as a forth skill to be added to the list. To what extent do you agree?