IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #influence #behaviour
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As more and more
people
 are involved in TV and video
games
 can notice the negative effects of the consumption of violent
content
. Some
people
 believe that it has affected humans,
while
 others claim that it has no influence on society.
Although
media
content
 is an issue, I agree that it has a huge effect aftermath.
This
 essay will consider the different viewpoints before deciding to give an opinion. There are some who see cruel
content
 realised by
media
 corporations as the main reason why the human population has a damaging effect. Indeed, if
people
 do not
control
 the type of
content
 on television and
games
, they will not understand the difference between reality and imagination.
As a result
, it has worse accidents around the world it is reported in papers or the news every day.
On the other hand
, there are others who would say that the problem is more about
people
 and losing
control
 of consumption. Many kinds of shows and
games
 have a positive effect on education and the development of society.
For instance
, most students in different countries use modern systems for learning processes. In my opinion, both viewpoints have merit
however
 enormous volume of violence in
media
 production which may be received for free without extra
control
 outweighs most of the benefits. The
control
 frames should be provided by governments. In the other world, authorities can create new or extra laws and taxes to build a strong system. In conclusion,
this
 essay considered two opposing viewpoints about how different types of
content
 on TV and video
games
 can influence society. I hope that our government will provide different options for controlling the
media
 industry.
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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion need to be more effective and engaging. The use of more linking words and cohesive devices is necessary to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
task achievement
The essay needs to address the prompt more comprehensively by providing more relevant and specific examples. The response should also be clearer and more developed to improve task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitize
  • aggressive behavior
  • emotional and psychological development
  • impair
  • empathy
  • contributing factor
  • distinction
  • fiction and reality
  • mature audiences
  • reflective
  • prevalence
  • societal issues
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