The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years.Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend?
Over the span of a decade, approximately
the
20 per cent increment is observed in the number of obese Correct article usage
a
children
who live in western
countries. Capitalize word
Western
This
essay will elaborate on the main reasons of
Change preposition
for
this
issue as the wrong nutrition and inactive lifestyle, and then
outline possible outcomes, including health and depression problems among the
teenagers.
Correct article usage
apply
To begin
with, the increase in the number of children
who eat unhealthier food
and do not want to do exercises
perhaps is Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
main
Correct article usage
the main
factors
of obesity. So, Fix the agreement mistake
factor
the
young Correct article usage
apply
aged
people prefer to consume junk Correct word choice
apply
food
rather than homemade food
and secondly
, they are
do not Unnecessary verb
apply
deal
Verb problem
go
with
Change preposition
to
gym
, and Correct article usage
the gym
this
leads to weight problems amidst
Change preposition
apply
them
. To give an instance, a survey conducted in Edinburgh by Datagraph company states that 34 per cent of Correct pronoun usage
apply
children
in this
city suffer from the overweight in order to squandering most of their leusire
time in fast Correct your spelling
leisure
food
restaurants rather that
going Correct word choice
than
Fix the infinitive
to sport
sport
halls.
Regarding possible results, the Change the noun form
sports
hearth
Correct your spelling
heart
attackes
and mental breakdown are core impacts of Correct your spelling
attacks
this
trend.
Thus
, people in
young ages have Change preposition
at
more strong
health Correct word choice
stronger
situation
compared to older ages but the majority of Fix the agreement mistake
situations
children
in modern life encounter heart issues due to
obesity, and even they experience psychological pressure because of their appearance. In USA
, the number of suicides has surged Correct article usage
the USA
about
1.2 % relative to Change preposition
by about
last
year because of obesity which affects their look and health at the same time.
To sum up
, considering the raise
in Correct your spelling
rise
obsesity
Correct your spelling
obesity
problem
in the Fix the agreement mistake
problems
west
, Capitalize word
West
this
essay discussed probable reasons in terms of nourishment and sport and consequences as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
hearth
Correct your spelling
heart
diseases
and psychological problems.Fix the agreement mistake
disease
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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion need to be more clearly presented to provide a solid framework for the essay. The essay lacks a clear thesis statement that indicates the writer's position on the issue.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the causes and effects of the trend but needs to provide more comprehensive and detailed explanations for a higher score. More specific and relevant examples could be included to support the main points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.