IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that teenager should always follow the examples of older people, whereas some believe it is natural in teenager to challenge what old people say. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #teenager #believe #challenge
Nowadays, some folk claim that young
people
 should follow the instances of ancient
people
,
while
 others claim that
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 population should try to avoid
examples
 of
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 population. I support those who think that teenagers should follow
Correct article usage
the advises
show examples
advises
Replace the word
advice
show examples
 of old
people
.
This
 essay will discuss both points of view On the one hand, there are
people
 who think that young
people
 should not follow
examples
Correct article usage
the examples
show examples
 of old
people
due to
 the fact that teenagers
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 conscious and
smartful
Correct your spelling
artful
smart
 rather than old
people
.
For instance
, if in their whole
life
Add a comma
life,
show examples
 they will
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
 a lot of mistakes it can progressively
impacted
Change the verb form
impact
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their career progression because they might have experiences from it .
However
,
this
 essay disagrees with
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 opinion that young
people
 should not respect or even follow by
examples
 of old
people
. A primary example of
this
students
Add a missing verb
is students
show examples
 from Oxford University,
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
 abandoned
follow
Replace the word
following
show examples
 by rules of old
people
 and
as a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 it negatively affected
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 and
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
On the other hand
, others claim that
follow
Wrong verb form
following
show examples
examples
 of
old
Add an article
the old
show examples
 population can positively
affected
Change the verb form
affect
be affected
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 well-being because old
people
 have seen a lot of things and they can give young
people
advises
Replace the word
advice
show examples
 which can give
people
increadible
Correct your spelling
incredible
 feelings and motivation to achieve their goals.
For example
, if old
people
 always will give
advises
Replace the word
advice
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 young folk,
therefore
 they will avoid
doing
Verb problem
making
show examples
 mistakes. Recent research found that over 60 % of young
people
 in the UK took up to avoid doing wrong things and
overall
 they increased their level of education because of old
people
 who gave
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
advises
Replace the word
advice
show examples
. In conclusion, unfortunately in our world still
existing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
people
 who disrespect old
people
 or
even
Rephrase
apply
show examples
do not follow their rules and
as a result
 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 become unimportant.
Nevertheless
,
people
 can change their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 if they
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
respect old
people
.
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure and coherence. Ideas are not logically presented and the argument lacks clarity and development.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task, but the position is not clearly stated and the development of ideas is limited. Use of relevant examples is also inadequate.
lexial resource
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and the expression of ideas is often unclear due to misuse of vocabulary.
grammatical range
The essay shows a lack of control in grammatical structures with frequent errors in sentence structure, verb tense, and article usage.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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